And You Did!

(Awards season is at hand! What are the year's best films? Click here to check out my take on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Jabber:

Toni gave me quite the adventure. After way more emails than it should've taken to plan an evening out, we agreed on a Chinese restaurant about equidistant from our homes.

I arrived first and when she didn't show I called her. She said that she was at another Chinese place not too far from the one where I was. She said that she liked hers better so I drove to that one. Once I was there I didn't find her so I called her and she said that she had changed her mind and had actually driven to the one where I had been, first. She said she wanted to check out their menu for herself and decided to go to that one, instead.

I drove back to the first one, more than a little annoyed. When I arrived there she was nowhere to be seen. I called her and asked, "Don't tell me you went back to the other restaurant," and she replied, "Actually no. I'm at home. I never went out at all. Just wanted to see if you'd actually go back and forth. Bye," and she hung up.


Mall Beds?

Profile Sent in by Bern:

About me:

My perfect date: the mall! It has beds, bathrooms, food, and clothes. Good for all 4 seasons. Good for winter break or summer vacation! Make it happen!


What Was That Last One?

Email Sent in by Marlene:


I picked a random woman to write this to. Didnd't even look at your rofile or anything. I AM DONE WITH WOMEN. THEY ARE ALL LAZY LYING DUMB. The last one ate me out of house and home and was like a human trash compactor. DO PILATES WITH ME. O WAIT. HEY YOU BROUGHT HOME BURRITOS!!! She eats them all!!! HEY YOU BROUGHT HOME POTATO CHIPS!! She eats them all!!!! YOU BROUGHT HOME SALAD/POTATO CHIPS/HOTDOGS/BABIES!!!!! She eats them all! Done DONE DONE with women!!



Should I Go or Should I Go

Story Sent in by Liana:

I was out to dinner on a first date with Justin. It was a freezing winter night and so I had my coat with me. When I came back from using the bathroom my coat was gone and Justin said, "I hid your coat so now you can never leave."

I was having a decent time with him so I went with the joke for a little bit. But he didn't seem to have any plans for the evening other than dinner and he droned on for a while and then I just wanted to go.

"Can I have my coat back, now?" I had no idea where he had hidden it.

He said, "Nope! Not until I choose to let you go."

"I've had a good time but I'm pretty tired."

"Too bad. You're staying here with me."

Ha! No. I looked under the table to see if he had stashed it there and then took a walk to the coat rack in the front of the restaurant and there it was. I went back to the table to wish him a goodnight (we had already paid the check) and he looked truly stunned that I had been smart enough to find my coat.

Instead of wishing me a goodnight he said, "No! Stay!"

"Sorry. I really have to go."

"Stay! Staaaaay!" he called after me, possibly long after I was gone... and possibly he's there still, calling and calling for the girl who'll never, ever come back to him.


The Risk Not Taken

Story Sent in by Gregorio:

Carrie invited me over to her house for a board game night and maybe to watch a movie. We were having a good time playing Risk when she excused herself to go to the bathroom. She came back a few minutes later and we continued to play.

Several minutes later, the smell of what could only be described as a gigantic pile of crap drifted into the area. I did my best to ignore it at first but it soon became overpowering.

It was Carrie who mentioned something about it first. "Do you smell that? What is that?"

I said, "It smells like a bathroom smell. Maybe some air freshener would fix it?"

She said, "No. It doesn't smell like that. I'm sure it's nothing." It totally smelled like that and it was becoming worse and worse, like it was circulating through the air vents.

After a few more minutes I couldn't take it anymore and I went into her bathroom myself to try and find air freshener to spray around. She had none. The whole apartment stank. It was everywhere and growing worse. And Carrie herself sat there like nothing at all was wrong.

I said to her, "It really stinks in here."

She smashed the Risk board off the table and said, "Then go back to your own damn house!"

I did. She wrote me an email the next day to tell me what a nasty and hurtful person I was and that she was awaiting my apology. Wait on, psycho.

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