Last Place in the Human Race

Story Sent in by Jennifer:

Joe said he'd meet me in front of a Thai restaurant that I liked a lot. I assumed that meant that we'd be going to dinner there. I took my time getting ready and arrived right on time.

He pulled up in a Mercedes and revved the engine a couple of times before he rolled down the passenger-side window and asked, "I like to be straight up early on: am I getting any tonight?"

I said, "I hadn't planned on it."

He replied by revving the engine a few more times and driving away.

It's too bad. He was cute, and if he had been decent in addition to handsome, he actually might've scored.


Orange You Glad?

Story Sent in by Kevin:

Trish took out an orange at lunch and asked me if I minded that she sucked on it. I told her it was fine and so she just kind of put it in her mouth and just... well... sucked it. She didn't peel it or bite it or eat it. She just kept it there like a giant pacifier. She took it out to talk but otherwise just kept it there.

"What's with the orange?" I asked her.

"It's a security thing. Like Linus's blanket in Peanuts."

"Oh. Wasn't he a little kid though?"

"I just do it, okay?"

Do it she did. And it was our last time out together.


Dolls and Guys

Story Sent in by Genya:

My first date with Peter was great, from my perspective. I caught him checking me out more than once and we had non-stop conversation. So I was a bit deflated when he wrote me the next day to say that he had a great time but that I "blinked too much" so that was why he couldn't "find it in [his] heart" to ask me out again.

I asked him to define "too much" and he sent me a video of himself blinking non-stop while he flailed his arms around and yelled the word, "Barbie! Barbie! Barbie! Barbie! Barbie!" repeatedly. Barbie hadn't come up once during our date so I was confused on that. Then something else caught my eye.

On our date he had no facial hair. In the video he had what was clearly several days' growth on his face. So he had probably actually made the video before we had ever gone out. I could've pointed that out and kept up a conversation with him about it but I just let it go.

Less than a week later he wrote me again. The entire text of the message was "BARBIE" copy-pasted about 1,000 times. I wish him and his new doll all the best.


Apology Accepted

Profile Sent in by Sammy:

Who I'm looking for

WHat do you do when you run in a gang? I used to now that life is behind me and I have a 1yo year old daughter to take care of. Wasn't a violent gang but more of what I would call a nerd gang. We ran with the best of them and now that life is behind me for good. Can I take you eriously if you write me? The law is not after me. I have a 1yo (yeard old) daughter. She is my life. The gang is in my past. Will not touch her. I have never once killed but if they touch her they will die. If you write me and you are one of them in secret and are after my daughter than you will die too. SOrry.


That Explains It

Email Sent in by Alan:


Can you tell me what you mean on your profile when you say you are seeking a woman. Does it mean you cannot find women anywhere or you are seeking one woman in particular. I do not know the answer so I hope you can make it easy to understand. There are lots of women around if you are looking for one. Al you need to do is ask! We will tell you if we are a woman or not. I am a woman for instance. Can you remind me of why you can't tell if you are around women. Maybe you are blind or have no eyes. Check nect time.

Audrey O.

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