5/03/2016

Women's Glib

(What did Oscar-winning screenwriter Charles Randolph (The Big Short) teach me about writing? Find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Daniel:

Lizabeth told me that she wanted to pay for our first date, making it clear that she liked the idea of switching stereotypical gender roles. I asked her over email if she was really okay with it and she said she was.

We had dinner out and it went fine. When the check came she took it and I asked her again, just to be sure, if she was okay paying for everything.

She slammed the check down and said, "Is all of human history not enough for you? How much longer are you going to repress me? I said I'd pay and I'd pay! I dress myself, feed myself, and even have a job! I don't need you to pay! Not now! Not ever! I can do this! I can pay! I'm gonna pay! I'm not gonna let you stop me! Go ahead! Try and stop me! Try! Try!"

I was frozen. I wasn't even sure how I'd try, even if I'd wanted to.

"Try!" she yelled, "I told you to try! Now you don't want to try, anymore?"

I said, "I never wanted to try."

"You argued with me over paying the check."

"I asked if you were sure you wanted to pay it all. I was being nice."

"Well you came off like a dick. I'm paying and then we're done."

She did, we were, and that was it.

5/02/2016

Rake 'n Bake

(What did Oscar-winning screenwriter Charles Randolph (The Big Short) teach me about writing? Find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Barbara:

I was supposed to go out to lunch with Fred on our first date, but he seemed out of sorts. He looked around constantly at everything. When we walked by a certain house he strolled up the front walk.

"Is this... your house?" I asked him.

He didn't answer but instead grabbed a rake that was leaning against the house and started raking the leaf-less, grassy front yard.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Time to rake!" he screamed at me.

I waited around for a couple of minutes as he raked the grass. He looked up at me and said, "Wait here. I'm raking you, next."

He carried the rake behind the house. I took off. Luckily, he never found me.

5/01/2016

So Say We All

(What did Oscar-winning screenwriter Charles Randolph (The Big Short) teach me about writing? Find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Profile Sent in by Major:

About Me:

It's 11:72PM and they won't let me go to bed so here is all you need to know: I am Ling. I have three brothers. Each of them are older and I am the youngest. I do know that my parents are both upholsterers. They met in an upholstery factory. I have three brothers. Each of them has two ears. Six ears total for my three brothers. They waited in line and were wach awarded their ears at a special upholstery ceremony. They picked them and they were sewed on. Made from skins and fabric they caught/chose themselves. Lets see what else. I have two ears but was born with them. My two brothers have tails. I want to SCREAM.

4/30/2016

Keep Your Dark Chambers to Yourself

(What did Oscar-winning screenwriter Charles Randolph (The Big Short) teach me about writing? Find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Email Sent in by Polina:

Important Polina -

In the mood for MaGiC? I can teach you the arts of ancient magic. Not just in books and kids parties but the magic is real and all around. It is in the dark chambers of the world. Hidden between trees and under leaves is the magic I will show you. This is not the dirty magic. I will not tell you about the "wand of my pants". But you should learn about the magic that is everywhere. If you do not then I am not responsible to meet you and those who give up on the magic are probably not worth my time. My magic is of the air and ground. Will you learn it with me? If not then I curse the curse of scorpionz on you and seven of your generations to come. DO NOT RISK THIS. WRITE ME NOW.

Ryan

4/29/2016

Good Mews, Bad Mews

(What did Oscar-winning screenwriter Charles Randolph (The Big Short) teach me about writing? Find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Joshua:

I walked through a mall with Esther on our first date. We passed a pet store and there were a half dozen kittens in the window. Esther couldn't control herself and ran inside to play with them.

She was at it for a little while when I grew bored and asked her if we could move along.

She said, "Maybe just one more minute?"

I gave her close to five more minutes when I told her, "It's time to go."

She asked, "Can I just have a minute alone with them? You can wait for me outside."

I left the store and caught up on some emails on my phone. After a little while, Esther still hadn't come out. I strode into the store to find her but she wasn't there. I looked up and down the aisles but she was gone.

I texted her to ask where she was and she replied, "114 Martine Ave." Martine was a block away from the mall and while I wondered why she didn't grab me when she left the pet store, it was an easy walk.

114 Martine Avenue was... you guessed it! A pet store! I went inside and didn't find Esther. I texted her again, "Where are you?"

She replied, "Back in the mall pet store. Playing with kittens!"

I texted her, "How about we go for lunch?"

She replied, "NO."

So I went to the mall food court, had lunch on my own, and went home.

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