5/24/2016

Hold the Door

Story Sent in by Marcene:

David and I were out to dinner and he sent his water back twice because it "tasted like something died in it." My water, likely from the same source, tasted fine. He picked at his food and droned on about some girl drama that had happened to him in college. We were both in our thirties at this point, FYI.

After dinner, he walked ahead of me towards the restaurant entrance. But then he stopped and said to me, "You should go first."

I did and when I made it to the door, I held it open for him. He said, "I can open the door by myself, thank you."

He wouldn't walk through the door I had opened for him and I was standing there like an idiot, so I went through myself and the door closed behind me. Then he opened it himself and walked out.

I had to ask, "Why did you want me to go first?"

He said, "So if there was a killer waiting outside, he'd get you first." He said it without a smile or a trace of humor. Indeed, nothing he said that entire evening was said with a smile or a trace of humor. So I wished him a goodnight and never saw him again.

5/23/2016

New Necking?

Story Sent in by Casey:

I had spoken to Lina online at first and then we went out on a date. From the moment I met her, something seemed off. She stared at my neck like it was a spider across the room. I asked her if everything was okay.

She said that I had a "giraffe-like" neck. I didn't know how to take it so I used my patented sense of humor to laugh it off. I told her that it was necessary to forage for the tastiest leaves at the treetops.

She didn't laugh at that and we continued on to dinner.

She didn't talk too much as we ate but she stared at my normal-length neck the entire time. She said she couldn't get over how long it was. I told her that it wasn't longer than any other neck. She said that it was the longest neck she had ever seen.

At the end of the meal she took the check and offered to pay. She said it was the least she could do and said that she felt I had "earned like a prize or something" because I had to deal with "such a long neck."

I let her pay and when we left, she said, "And now I will never see you again," and she walked away.

5/22/2016

Memento Mori

Profile Sent in by Gillian:

About me:

Ever sleep with a corpse? I fell asleep in a graveyard once and so I technically have. You should not. Sleeping with a corpse reminds me of the time I slept with a corpse in a graveyard where I fell asleep once.

5/21/2016

Jolly Rogering

Email Sent in by Nick:

Ahoy matey!

It be I, pirate Jessie! Me wanty long long mizzen yardarm. Have ye the booty to seize the mastsail? Oh I'm teasing. Can you tell me why there are so many photos of you in the water on your profile. You are either on a boat or in the water or thinking about a boat in every shot. Were your parents really boats. Ugghgh I just remembered I left the toilet seat up and I am a girl of all people. brb.

K back now. Tell me about yourself and what you call your schoolgirl?

Jessie

5/20/2016

Not the Hole I Would Have Chosen

Story Sent in by Florence:

Carl took me out for ice cream. Then he asked me if I wanted to do donuts in a nearby strip mall's parking lot. We climbed into his car and did some, and then I grew tired of it and asked him what else he wanted to do.

He said, "Donuts. Donuts forever!" and he did more donuts.

After a while longer I told him I had to pee. He said that if he let me out of the car, he'd have to stop doing donuts. I let him do a few more until I really had to go, and then he dropped me off in front of a Burger King.

When I came back out, he was still doing donuts. I waited for him to come by and pick me up so that we could go do something else, but he never stopped and so I called a friend to pick me up and take me home.

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