2/19/2017

Mall Beds?

Profile Sent in by Bern:

About me:

My perfect date: the mall! It has beds, bathrooms, food, and clothes. Good for all 4 seasons. Good for winter break or summer vacation! Make it happen!

2/18/2017

What Was That Last One?

Email Sent in by Marlene:

DEAR YOU:

I picked a random woman to write this to. Didnd't even look at your rofile or anything. I AM DONE WITH WOMEN. THEY ARE ALL LAZY LYING DUMB. The last one ate me out of house and home and was like a human trash compactor. DO PILATES WITH ME. O WAIT. HEY YOU BROUGHT HOME BURRITOS!!! She eats them all!!! HEY YOU BROUGHT HOME POTATO CHIPS!! She eats them all!!!! YOU BROUGHT HOME SALAD/POTATO CHIPS/HOTDOGS/BABIES!!!!! She eats them all! Done DONE DONE with women!!

Ron

2/17/2017

Should I Go or Should I Go

Story Sent in by Liana:

I was out to dinner on a first date with Justin. It was a freezing winter night and so I had my coat with me. When I came back from using the bathroom my coat was gone and Justin said, "I hid your coat so now you can never leave."

I was having a decent time with him so I went with the joke for a little bit. But he didn't seem to have any plans for the evening other than dinner and he droned on for a while and then I just wanted to go.

"Can I have my coat back, now?" I had no idea where he had hidden it.

He said, "Nope! Not until I choose to let you go."

"I've had a good time but I'm pretty tired."

"Too bad. You're staying here with me."

Ha! No. I looked under the table to see if he had stashed it there and then took a walk to the coat rack in the front of the restaurant and there it was. I went back to the table to wish him a goodnight (we had already paid the check) and he looked truly stunned that I had been smart enough to find my coat.

Instead of wishing me a goodnight he said, "No! Stay!"

"Sorry. I really have to go."

"Stay! Staaaaay!" he called after me, possibly long after I was gone... and possibly he's there still, calling and calling for the girl who'll never, ever come back to him.

2/16/2017

The Risk Not Taken

Story Sent in by Gregorio:

Carrie invited me over to her house for a board game night and maybe to watch a movie. We were having a good time playing Risk when she excused herself to go to the bathroom. She came back a few minutes later and we continued to play.

Several minutes later, the smell of what could only be described as a gigantic pile of crap drifted into the area. I did my best to ignore it at first but it soon became overpowering.

It was Carrie who mentioned something about it first. "Do you smell that? What is that?"

I said, "It smells like a bathroom smell. Maybe some air freshener would fix it?"

She said, "No. It doesn't smell like that. I'm sure it's nothing." It totally smelled like that and it was becoming worse and worse, like it was circulating through the air vents.

After a few more minutes I couldn't take it anymore and I went into her bathroom myself to try and find air freshener to spray around. She had none. The whole apartment stank. It was everywhere and growing worse. And Carrie herself sat there like nothing at all was wrong.

I said to her, "It really stinks in here."

She smashed the Risk board off the table and said, "Then go back to your own damn house!"

I did. She wrote me an email the next day to tell me what a nasty and hurtful person I was and that she was awaiting my apology. Wait on, psycho.

2/15/2017

The Very Best Gift of All

Story Sent in by Mary:

Shortly after I started dating Charles it was my birthday and he took me out to dinner. As a gift he gave me a few gift cards including ones for the App Store, Amazon, and Home Depot. The amounts on each were $50 and I thanked him for his generosity.

I went home that night and attempted to redeem the App Store gift card but it said that it had never been activated by a cashier. Having a funny feeling, I checked the balances of the other cards and none of them had been activated.

I called Charles to let him know that none of the cards had been activated. He said I was "using them wrong" and told me to try again.

Just to be safe I again looked up the balances on each of them. As before, none of them had stored balances. It was as almost as if he had stolen them from a kiosk without paying for them. When I called him again he said that I was "definitely using them wrong," that I was a "greedy bitch," and that he didn't want to see me again.

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