7/24/2017

Unbridled

Story Sent in by Dwight:

After and early dinner, Zoe and I strolled through a downtown area with no real destination in particular. She stopped short at a restaurant and stared inside. Just within the window was an eating couple.

At first I thought that Zoe recognized them but she started to giggle at them and said to me, "Oh my God. That chick eats like a horse!"

I was surprised at Zoe's comment but the next events moved too quickly for me to fully react. I'm not sure if the couple heard Zoe's words, but the man jumped to his feet and made for the door as if he meant to confront us.

Zoe yelped and said, "He's gonna kill us!" and she tore off down the sidewalk. I had no choice but to follow after her. But I ended up losing her and so I went home.

She wrote me an email that night to ask me if I wanted to go out again. I didn't respond.

7/23/2017

Surprisingly Coherent for a Fashion Designer

Profile Sent in by Nicholas:

About Me:

My big thing is textiles. I love lace! If you can wear it it can have lace on it. And lace it not just for the girls! I know lots of men who wear lace on their pants and panties. Lace can be highly masculinated. HATE is when people say "oh men can only wear this or women can only wear that" NOT UP TO YOU. It's a new 21st century and youre all just living in my world sucka!!!

7/22/2017

Sounds About Right

Email Sent in by Joy:

Dear date site woman:

I am a nice guy blah blah blah blah I want kids blah blah blah I am strong and sensitive blah blah blah blah I would love to meet your family blah blah blah let's have long conversations about feelings and how we feel about feeling feelings blah blah blah blah blah I love fuzzy animals blah blah blah blah let's talk about self help books over tea while we knit and watch Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey blah blah blah blah blah. How'd I do? Hit all the right buttons? What's your favorite podcast.

David

7/21/2017

Cats Can Also Do This

Story Sent in by Sarah:

On my first date with Stephen we walked in a park and somehow made it to the topic of past lives. He said that he had been a "very good dog" in a past life in order to have been reincarnated as a human.

When I asked him how he knew he had been a dog, he said, "I feel comfortable on all fours. And check this out."

He then sat on the ground, bent over, and licked the inside of his upper thigh. "I can lick my own balls," he said.

I looked around to make sure that no one I knew could see me with this weirdo. I said, "Okay Stephen, that's enough."

He kept at it for a little while until he stood up and said, "One day, you'll see. You'll see everything."

I didn't wind up seeing much else as I made sure that was our only date.

7/20/2017

We'll Call It a Draw

Story Sent in by Ryan:

Kerri was different. She told me that she wanted to take me out, saying, "Why does it always have to be the man who pays? I'm perfectly capable of paying, myself." That was fine with me and I thanked her for it.

But then at dinner when the check came she opened her purse and said, "Yeah, turns out I don't have any cash or cards on me. Can you pay for all this?"

She had ordered about a half dozen drinks and the bill was sky high. I offered, "I can pay for it now but can you send me like half the bill later this week?"

She said, "No problem."

I wrote her gentle reminders to pay me a few times and she didn't respond to any of them. I then Google-stalked her and found out where she worked and some info about her family. I wrote a less-gentle message to her telling her that I would contact everyone she knew and call the police to report a theft if she didn't pay up.

The payment arrived in my PayPal less than an hour later. Thank goodness for the Internet.

7/19/2017

Chesty La Roux

Story Sent in by Maria:

Brad showed up to our dinner with his button-down shirt half-unbuttoned. He had a yak's worth of chest hair and sat across from me and pointed at my blouse. He then said, "I've unbuttoned mine. Your turn."

I asked, "My turn to what?"

He said, "Unbutton. Go ahead. I'll wait."

I said, "I'm not about to unbutton anything for you. Sorry."

He then roared, "You're welcome!" and then just sat there as if he had accomplished something great. He hadn't. I went home and cooked myself some rice and that was my night.

7/18/2017

Whip Smart

Story Sent in by John:

I thought it would be fun to visit an amusement park with Rita. We climbed onto a whip ride and before it moved, Rita looked around everywhere. She asked me, "Where are the seat belts?"

I replied, "There are no seat belts. You just hold on."

She looked at me like I was insane. "No seat belts? How has this place not had a lawsuit yet?"

I said, "I guess people are just instinctively smart enough to hold on and not be thrown off."

"I'm not," she actually said. Then the ride began. I had a glorious time but Rita seemed intent on having a lousy time. When it ended she stumbled off and made like she was going to vomit. She didn't vomit but she did gasp, "I'm gonna sue, I'm gonna sue, I'm gonna sue."

"Who are you going to sue?" I asked her.

"The park. And you."

I didn't go out with Rita again. Nor was there ever a suit filed, as far as I know.

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