8/19/2017

Why Vegetarians Happen

Email Sent in by Inez:

Hi:

I love that you are slim. A slim woman is the best woman. Not because they are non fat (everyone has fat sorry) but because they are crunchy in the gristle. What do you think?

Harvey

8/18/2017

Circles and Squares

Story Sent in by Leesa:

At the end of a pretty decent date with Jeff, he handed me a copy of Dante's Inferno. He said, "I give this to all my dates. You'll find out why soon enough."

I thanked him although I was a little confused. When I brought it home I discovered that it was in Italian. I don't speak or read Italian and when he called me the next day to ask if I had read it yet, I told him that I didn't know Italian but perhaps he could recommend a good English translation.

His response was to scream into the phone and then hang up. I've kept the book as a souvenir from that whole weird experience.

8/17/2017

The Naked Truth

Story Sent in by Abe:

One of the first questions out of Molly on our first date was, "Are you one of those guys who likes seeing women naked?"

I told her the unblemished truth: "Yes."

She sighed and said, "That's too bad. I was hoping you were different."

I said, "I wasn't expecting to go that far tonight. But most guys I know like that sort of thing."

She said, "Not the guys I know. Sorry."

We never went out again. Oh well.

8/16/2017

Fry Away

Story Sent in by Michele:

I was out to dinner with Dave and he ordered some French fries and some beer. When they arrived he drenched his fries in beer. As in he literally poured the beer all over the fries. He then sang a song that sounded like, "Beer for my fries, fries for my beer, love me some beer, love me some fries. Beer for my fries, fries for my beer, love me some beer..." and then he gobbled up all the fries as fast as he could.

When he saw my shocked face he said, "Well I don't want them getting too soggy before I eat them. That would be gross."

Then he launched back into his song. After a little while of singing it I asked him, "Can you stop singing? I get the point."

He said, "Why don't you order some beer and fries and try it out?"

I replied, "No, thank you."

He said, "Then our business is settled," and he up and left.

8/15/2017

Mail and Female

Story Sent in by Damien:

The Saturday morning of my date with Elise, she called me in a panic. "Can you get to 55 Hillock Street in Masonville right now?" We weren't due to meet for about 40 minutes but she sounded really upset. I asked her what was wrong and she told me I'd find out when I arrived.

When I arrived I found her with her arm stuck in one of those blue mailboxes. She said, "I sent something I shouldn't have sent and I tried to fish it out and now I'm stuck."

It would've been comical if she wasn't so deadly serious about the whole thing. I asked her why she didn't call 911 and she said that they'd send the police and she'd get in trouble. Fair enough. Why not call a friend or family member? She said they'd ask her what was in the letter she had sent and they'd think much less of her if they found out. And she feared being late for our date so... apparently that left me.

I couldn't remove her from the mailbox. I went to a nearby pharmacy and bought some Vaseline and brought it back to her in the hopes that it would help her remove her arm. It didn't.

I kept asking her if I could call for help and she kept yelling at me not to. After a little less than an hour of shifting back and forth, she removed her arm from the mailbox and I hoped we could continue with the date.

However, she reminded me that she wanted to take back the letter she had sent. She decided to wait at the mailbox for the mail carrier to come by so that she could beg to take it back. I was done with her at that point so I wished her luck and went on my way. I hope it worked out.

8/14/2017

The Long and Snort of It

Story Sent in by Julianne:

Early in my college career I went on a dating site and met Joe. After a few messages we met for our first date, lunch at a sidewalk cafe near my school.

We chatted for about five minutes when he pulled his backpack onto his lap and asked me, "Guess what I've got in here!"

I guessed, "Books? Papers? A laptop?"

He laughed and said, "No," then opened up his bag - again, right in the middle of a sidewalk cafe, a public place - and pulled out a handful of little freezer bags with white powder in them.

"Cocaine!" he announced with a big smile. "Want some?"

I said, trying to restrain my shock, "No, thanks."

He put the bags away like he was just trying to sell me chocolate bars or something. Last date.

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8/13/2017

Mother Than That

Profile Sent in by Amy:

About me:

I've been in a fair share of relationships but none have been with women who remind me of my mother. I look for my mother's opposite in the women I date and love. If you are at all like my mother than don't bother writing me. You will be ignored.

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