The Gift That Keeps on Misgiving

Story Sent in by Lisa:

Joel brought me to a book fair. I found a book I wanted and he was nice enough to buy it for me. We had a good rest of the day but when I finally made it home I realized that I didn't have the book he had purchased for me. I checked my car, my yard, my apartment, but I just couldn't find it.

I called Joel to ask him if he had maybe taken it by mistake. He said he had it and that he had taken it on purpose to make sure there'd be a second date.

I told him, "That's sweet I guess, but you didn't have to take something of mine to make sure I'd see you again."

He laughed and said, "I bought it for you. It's mine."

I said, "If I bought you something and gave it to you, by the definition of 'gift,' it would be yours. Not mine. That's what a gift is."

He said, "Then I guess it's a gift for both of us."

I told him I had hoped to start reading it that night and he said I was welcome to go over to his place to read it as much as I wanted to as long as I left it there. Instead I ordered it off Amazon and never spoke to Joel again.


Pop Goes the Date

Story Sent in by Jose:

I had talked to Nicole online and we made plans for a date. We were to meet in a park not far from my apartment. I arrived first and sat on a bench and waited.

I was there for about 15 minutes when all of a sudden there was a huge bang behind me. I shouted, jumped away from the bench, and turned around.

There was Nicole with the remnants of a balloon she had just popped. "Surprise!" she said.

I yelled, "Why the hell did you do that?" I was really upset. Who does that? A little kid?

She cried, "I was just trying to make you laugh!" and then ran away.

I picked up the balloon bits from the ground (I hate litter) and threw them away before heading home. I consider myself lucky, truth be told. What if we lived together? Or we had kids? Is that how she'd wake up her family in the morning?


Pop Down Video

Story Sent in by Harriet:

I tried online dating a few times and one of those times I met Nick. We set up a date and from the moment I met him in person, he had his phone out and he was taking video.

I asked, "Why are you videoing this?"

He said, "It'll make a beautiful record for our children."

I said, "Um, okay. Can you put it away?"

He replied, "And risk missing out on a single moment? No."

We went for ice cream and he took video the entire time, circling me from every angle as I ordered my ice cream, sat down, and ate with him. After I was finished I told him, "I'm going. Bye."

He followed me for a bit with his camera and then switched it off once I made it back to my car. He waved goodbye and blew me kisses as I left. Weirdo.


What's Upchuck?

Story Sent in by John:

When I was out to dinner with Jo, she complained of a sour stomach. She had mentioned it before we ate and I asked her if she wanted to go home or maybe grab an antacid from a pharmacy. She turned me down on all fronts and so I let her know that if she needed to leave at any point, it was all right with me.

Shortly after the food arrived she left the table for a little while. When she came back she looked pale but she said, "I feel a lot better. I threw up."

I again told her, "You really don't have to stay out if you're not feeling well."

She insisted on sticking around for the meal. The bill came, we split it, and then she seemed in a big hurry to leave before me. I guessed that she still wasn't feeling 100%. We had driven there separately and so I'm she she found her way back to her car and drove herself home with no problem.

When I made it back to my car, I found that someone had puked all over the hood. I instantly thought of Jo, then told myself it had to be a coincidence. But I texted her to ask her, joking at first, "Did you throw up on my hood? Because someone puked all over it. :)"

In response, she texted me back a photo of my hood covered in puke. Putting the pieces together, I realized that not only did she puke on my car, she had actually taken a photo of the deed for some reason. I asked her, "Why would you do that?"

She didn't reply. First and last date.


We Didn't Stop the Fire

Story Sent in by Cat:

I had been dating Ben for a few weeks when he took me to his old high school to show me around. It was on a weekend but there were some sports and other activities going on, so it was pretty lively for a Saturday.

He took me to a third-floor stairwell where nobody was, kissed me, and said, "And now the grand exit!"

He went over to a fire extinguisher behind an in-case-of-emergency-break glass. He hit the glass with his elbow. It didn't shatter.

"What are you doing?" I hissed, but he wasn't paying attention to me.

He slammed at it again and again. Then he noticed a metal bar that was hanging from the case, there for the purpose of shattering the glass. He grabbed it and hit at the glass over and over. It didn't shatter at all. Either the glass was too strong or he was really too weak.

He roared at it, kicked at the wall, and ran downstairs, not waiting up for me.

I had no idea what he had planned to do, but I never saw him after that day.


It's Nice to Feel So Safe

Profile Sent in by Dana:

About me:

I am a rocking socking dude. No one has ever beaten me in a fight. Ask anyone. There is no better man to protect you. Someone shoves you. I will throw them into the core of the earth. Someone shoulders by you. I will slam them into the stratosphere. Someone treats you bad. I will bend them in half until they are powder/nothing. If you are good to me I will always always protect you. But if you ever sneak around behind my back I will visit these fates upon you a thousandfold.


Don't Leaf Yet

Email Sent in by S.:

Hi again...

I know you won't write back but please listen. I tried that plantfood you told me to try and now the it worked too well and the leaves are up to the window in my apartment and pressing against the building. They block out all the sun and it is pitch black in here unless I turn on the lights. They seem to like the lights and they grow even more when I turn them on so I keep them off. Of course this means that I have to sit in darkness all the time. I think a plant exterminator must be called (or maybe I called one already) but even by the time you read this it might be too late. Everyone in the building is panicked and the management has told us all to go to the staircases. I don't ever get a signal in there so this might be the last I hear from me. I guess it's a long way to say remember whose fault this really is.


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