9/24/2016

Does Insanity Have a Smell?

Email Sent in by Buddy:

Hu!!! I like your profile! If you can tell me what I smell like from just reading the e-mail then I will go on a date with you! HERE ARE HINTS!

1 not like a flower
2 not like a food
3 not a regular girl smell. Think outside the box!

Let me know if you know my smell. I'll be waiting.

Cassie

9/23/2016

Bring Your Own Butthead

Story Sent in by Lizette:

Damon invited me out to a BYOB place and he brought a bottle of Malbec. I should've known that I was in for a night to remember when he asked me, "What did you bring to drink?"

Shortly after sitting down, he polished off the whole bottle by himself. He was then quiet for a little while and didn't eat anything when our food arrived.

About a minute after I started eating, he puked all over the table. I had to help him up, dig out his wallet to pay for the meal (I sure wasn't paying for it), drag him to the curb, and order him a Lyft to bring him home.

I wrote him the next day to give him my PayPal email address to which he could reimburse me for the Lyft. He actually sent me the money and I never heard from him again.

9/22/2016

Or Just a Guy Who Isn't an Idiot

Story Sent in by Justin:

I took Joanne to an outdoor place with picnic tables and amazing burgers. She told me what she wanted and I went up, put in our orders, and came back to the table with them. Her order came through exactly as she had placed it.

But when I put it in front of her she gave me a nasty look. "Why are you such an idiot?" she asked.

I said, "What's wrong? This is exactly what you ordered."

She said, "Yeah, but you're still an idiot."

"Why?"

She rolled her eyes and took a Godzilla-sized bite out of her burger. "If you don't know then I'm not going to tell you."

It didn't matter what I said for the rest of the date. She polished off her burger in record time, sucked down her drink, and kept calling me an idiot. I don't know what I might have done to set her off. We had been getting along well until right before lunch.

After five minutes of her giving me the silent treatment and me trying to figure out what her problem was, she said, "You're just an idiot," and she took off.

For the rest of the day she sent me text after text: "IDIOT," "BIG IDIOT," "LARGE IDIOT," and "TOTAL IDIOT" were her words of choice. Dozens upon dozens of them. Even now, some time later, I still receive the occasional "IDIOT" text from her. I hope she finds a good therapist.

9/21/2016

Pocket Troll

Story Sent in by Tanisha:

On our date, Martin wore a black hoodie with a big front pocket. We were out for coffee and in the middle of our conversation he said, "You're so tiny, I bet you could fit in here." He pointed to his hoodie pocket.

For the record, I'm petite but by no means "pocket-sized." But Martin went on: "Why don't you go ahead and try? I bet you can fit in here."

I didn't want to put any part of myself in a guy's hoodie pocket so I politely declined. He pressed, "Come on! Just a foot or something. Or a whole leg."

I politely declined again. He said, "I'll bet you any size cup of coffee that you can fit in my pocket."

I politely declined again. He said, "What's your problem? You think you're better than me? Get in the damn pocket!"

I slightly-less-politely declined. He grabbed my drink along with his and he left in a huff.

9/20/2016

Was This During the Magic Bus Driver Strike?

Story Sent in by David:

My first and only date with Allyson went pretty well up until the end. I had driven to the date but she had taken the bus from out of town. I told her I'd wait with her at the bus stop.

We walked to a tree just off the side of the road and she stopped there. She said, "Here's the bus stop."

There was a bench nearby but it wasn't a bus stop. There were no signs or anything like a sign. I asked her, "Are you sure? The 28 bus comes this way?"

She said, "No. The magic bus. I'll be fine. The magic bus will be by soon. Goodnight now."

There was no budging her so I left her there and drove home.

The next morning I drove by that part of town as it was on my way to an errand. Through the rain I saw Allyson sitting at the bench. She was soaking wet and looked like she had been sitting there all night.

I parked, hurried up to her, and asked, "Have you been here all night?"

She nodded and asked, "Can you take me home?"

I drove her to her house and helped her inside. I drove away pretty weirded out and promised myself that I wouldn't reach out to her unless she contacted me first.

She didn't.

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