3/30/2017

Neigh it Ain't So

Story Sent in by Craig:

I live in a part of the country where it's not unusual for some folks to ride a horse (if they have one) around town. Jody and I got to talking online and she said she'd meet me downtown for a drink. I waited outside the bar for her to show up.

She arrived on horseback, but when she got closer and saw me she screamed, kicked at the horse, and took off. No words. No explanation. She just took off. She didn't respond to my emails but it was a small town and so when I reached out to her via a friend of a friend she said to me, "Your face must've scared my horse." Well thanks for your consideration, I guess.

3/29/2017

Dignity?

Story Sent in by Windy:

Ari thought it would be fun to take me out to a picnic in a park, underneath a big tree. There was an awful smell there (like something had died) and I asked him if we could move the picnic elsewhere. He insisted that it had to be under that tree.

I asked him why, as the park had dozens of other trees. He said that that tree was good luck for him because he had taken the virginity of three girls under it. I lost my appetite but he ate his lunch, asked me if I was going to eat mine, I told him I wasn't, and then he ate mine, too.

He then tried to get me to make out with him but the bad smell and his story about what he had done at the tree grossed me out enough to not go through with it. That was our only date. To this day I have no idea what that smell was or what might have died under that tree.

3/28/2017

Doggie Don't

Story Sent in by Adam:

Ellie brought her dog with her on our date. It was cool. I like dogs, especially chocolate labs, which is what she had. But while we were at a table at an outdoor cafe, the dog took a dump right by the table, right where the servers would walk between tables.

I saw it happen. Ellie saw it happen. But she didn't do anything about it. She just kept talking about god-knows-what. I finally blurted, "You gonna clean that up?"

She said, "When we're done. I'm not gonna touch it before we eat."

It wasn't long before a waiter came up to us and asked Ellie to clean it up. I didn't think it was a big deal She could just use a bunch of paper towels and then wash her hands. But Ellie took great offense to the suggestion and yelled at the server, "Don't oppress my dog!" She then slammed a fork on the table, stood up, and left. Sadly, she took her dog with her. No goodbyes or anything like that. She just left this house of canine oppression.

I ended up cleaning the dog poop, apologizing for my wacky date, and leaving shortly thereafter. I was surprised to receive an email from Ellie in which she didn't so much apologize and more kind of just blamed the restaurant for ruining our date. I laughed at the email and didn't contact her again.

3/27/2017

Strangest Things

Story Sent in by Jess:

Fred said there was an old abandoned cave nearby he wanted to check out. I didn't think this was such a great idea for a first date so when he drove us there I waited outside the cave while he stepped within. He was gone for a while and I was just cold and bored.

Finally he ran out of the cave, right past me. His shirt was torn and he made it back to his car and turned it on. I took that as my cue to jump into the car beside him and I'm glad I did because a moment later he probably would've driven off without me! When I asked him what had happened he didn't answer but he drove me home and dropped me off without a word. We never went out again.

3/26/2017

Or Gobble It Down. I'm Not Choosy.

Profile Sent in by Debb:

About me

I waited for you all day at lunch but why didn't you ever not show? There is a riddle in that first sentence that if you then now figure it out we will go out maybe once not once. There is a riddle also in the second sentence if you figure THAT one out I will be even more shocked since no one has ever figured it out as of this writing. If you can figure it out write to me and then we can gobble it up!

3/25/2017

Can I Help?

Email Sent in by T.M.:

Hi Tyler:

I wish I could have been there tonight. I know we have both looked forward to it. But I have too much lotion on my butt and can't make it. Please understand..... xxxxooooooooooooolol

Marie

3/24/2017

Something to Address

Story Sent in by Andrew:

When I was out to dinner with Lynn, she asked me if I was dating anyone else. At the time, I actually was - two other people. It was early in each of the relationships, I wasn't exclusive with anyone, and my goal was to spend enough time with someone to find a girlfriend.

Lynn then pulled out her phone and apparently opened up her Notes app and asked, "Do you know where they live? Can you give me their addresses?"

I was flabbergasted. "What? Why?"

She said, "Not your concern. What are their addresses?"

"I'm not going to give you their addresses."

She put her phone away. "Fine. I'll find them myself. It'll take me 70 hours but I'll find them. And I'll remember you stonewalling me."

Yikes. After the meal I left in a hurry and blocked Lynn on all media. Nothing weird ever happened to the other people I was dating (aside from the fact that I'm still dating one of them) and so I guess Lynn's secret master plan never came to fruition.

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