Search Site

11/26/2014

Brother from No Other Mother

Story Sent in by Jonathan:

On my dinner date with Tanya, she informed me out of the blue that her older brother had disappeared years ago and had never been found. I was shocked by that and asked her questions about it.

"Why are you so curious about it?" she asked, "It's a sensitive subject."

I replied, "You brought it up. We can stop talking about it."

And so we did. Instead, we talked about college. For about a minute.

"When my brother disappeared, it really threw my family for a loop," she said, bringing it up unprompted, "As I'm sure you can imagine."

"Are you sure you want to talk about this?" I asked.

She paused for a moment then said, "No."

After another minute of talking about the food, she said, "I miss my brother sometimes. Is that weird?"

I said, "It wouldn't surprise me if you missed him for the rest of your life."

She nodded and said, "Yeah. Thanks for bringing it up. AsshoIe."

"You brought it up. And there's no need to be mean," I said. Honestly, I had tried to be understanding.

"You brought it up," she lied.

And so I crossed the line: "Maybe your brother just couldn't take you anymore. Did you think about that?"

She said, "I can't believe you just said that," and started to cry.

"I'm sorry. Let's actually talk about something else for real, now."

But she wasn't having it. She sobbed on and off for the rest of dinner and that effectively ended the date.

Curiosity settled upon me, though. I afterward asked around about her to a couple of mutual friends. From what I was told,, Tanya never had an older brother.



11/25/2014

My Butt's in My Front

Story Sent in by Jane:

"I'll cook," Steven said, "We'll watch a movie or two." Thus my third date with Steven was arranged. I was on the fence about him for a while. We had met online. He was a nice guy but quiet, and really, really awkward. At first I thought it was endearing, and it shortly became annoying. He would ask me about my past relationships and consistently point out that I had more "experience" than he did. Yep. No big deal. Moving on.

Unless the third date was positively magical, I was sure that there wouldn't be a fourth date. He hadn't tried to kiss me or even hug me yet, but I was increasingly unsure if I wanted him to try anything.

I went to his apartment and he ushered me into his living room. He gave me a choice of three films (Captain America, Tim Burton's Batman, or Attack of the Killer Tomatoes) and then disappeared into another room. The kitchen? Maybe. Something smelled good.

He returned a few minutes later in a full set of purple flannel footed pajamas. It even had the snaps and flap for the rear... only he was actually wearing them backward, so that the flap was in the front.

I was ready to laugh myself silly when he said, "I made you something really good for dinner. Wait right here."

I didn't have a chance to say a word about his pajamas. In fact, I sort of wanted him to reference them, first. Was he trying to pull a reaction out of me? He served dinner right there in the living room (it was pretty good, in his defense) and he popped in Batman.

The whole time, he sat next to me in those insane pajamas. I did my best to concentrate on the film and to ignore the flannel flap that was my only protection against his erection.

Once the film was done, I yawned and told him that I was tired. He stood up from the couch, his impossible-to-ignore erection right at my face. I stood up and he walked me to the door.

Once at the door, I told him, "I had a nice time," then took a moment and said, "Look, I think you're a great guy. But I have a lot going on in my life right now, and I think it would be best if we stayed friends."

Almost on cue, he said, "Penis," then slammed the door in my face.

I guess we were both throwing in the towel.

11/24/2014

寿司脳

Story Sent in by Gary:

I asked Carolyn out for sushi. She was really excited about it. We sat down, looked through the menu, and ordered.

When our food came, she stared at her maki for a long, long time. I asked her, "What's wrong?"

She said, "I've never seen tuna that looks like that."

I said, "It looks right. That's what tuna looks like when raw."

"Raw?" she asked, "RAW!?"

"That's what sushi is. You didn't know that? It must have said 'raw' all over the menu."

"Ugh," she moaned and pushed the plate away from her. "I've heard of it but I never tried it. I thought it was just a fancy preparation method. How is this even legal?"

"I'm sorry. I thought you knew that sushi meant raw fish."

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. And you actually eat that? You're disgusting." She fake-gagged.

I said, "They had some cooked entrees. Why don't you order one of those?"

"I've lost my appetite," she said, "Anything in here would make me sick. You're actually going to eat that? You're gonna die."

"Want to go somewhere else?" I asked.

"Meet you outside," she said, then hurriedly grabbed her purse and left. I asked for a box to go for both of our meals, paid, and went outside. She was gone.

*

Dramatized bad dates, some of which were inspired by A Bad Case of the Dates stories? Swanky! Check out Swipe Click Bang.

11/23/2014

Violinists Are All the Same

Story Sent in by Candice:

In college, I met Charles, a fellow student. He was a violinist. He asked if he could take me out to dinner and play violin for me afterward. I loved the thought of it, so we made the plans.

At dinner he seemed really on edge. I asked him if everything was okay and he snapped at me. He apologized for it right afterward but it was still unsettling.

After we ate he led me to a studio on campus. I sat down and he played his violin. He started with a slow piece and then sped it up. It sounded good. Then he stopped and said, "Wait, that's not... hang on."

He played the same piece over and over, faster each time. He was becoming more frazzled and I said to him, "It sounded great. Don't get upset."

He stepped close to my face and yelled, "Never tell a violinist what to do and what not to do!" He immediately played a horrible screeching song as he stomped all around the studio, slamming his feet down with each step.

I left without saying goodbye. I waited by the door for a few seconds to see if he'd maybe follow me out and apologize for acting like an idiot, but he just kept stomping and playing. Maybe he didn't even notice - or care - that I had gone. So I went home.

A couple of hours later, I received an email from him. There was no correspondence written, but he had attached a 30-second video he had taken with his phone. It was of himself stomping around the studio and making an awful racket with his violin.

*

A bad date video series? Some of which were inspired by A Bad Case of the Dates stories? Neat! Check out Swipe Click Bang!

11/22/2014

But Not Amazing Enough

Story Sent in by Paul:

Before our date, Maria emailed to say that a friend of hers was in town and that she wanted to say a quick hello to him while she and I were out together. "Maybe the three of us can all hang out for a little while," were her exact words.

It was an unusual request but she made it clear that this was the only time she'd be able to see him. She also seemed really apologetic about it. I didn't see the harm in hanging out with this guy for a little while, especially if it would make Maria happy and make me come across as non-threatened.

For the first part of our date, I took her to a neighborhood bakery with amazing treats. We had a great time and we laughed and she even touched me every now and again when we spoke, which I guessed meant that she felt comfortable with me. So I was feeling pretty good.

Then her phone rang and she picked up. It was apparently her friend. She said, "He's on his way. Let's go outside and meet him."

I followed her out and we talked for a bit longer. Then the guy pulled up and rolled down his window. He said to her, "You ready?"

She said, "Yeah!" then jumped into the passenger side of his car and they sped off without a word to me. So I was feeling pretty less-than-good. Never heard from her again.