8/27/2016

And Was it Chunky?

Email Sent in by Donald:

Hi:

My you are a PEST. I didn't email you for what a day? And I find 12 EMAILS FROM YOU??? WTF>!!! I will Write back when I WANT TO WRITE BAXK. I AM NOT AT YOUR BECK AND CALL.

I rode the horse like you asked. I had a great time! Thanks for recommending Valeport. But I have to tell you that if you write me one more email that I will go crazy!!! Seriously dude you will want to wait for me to write back. I don't hang out at my email all day but I will write back when I can.

Sorry if I am harsh. When did you last ride the horse?

Emma


*

(Donald says, "I'm pretty sure she meant to send this to someone else. I never wrote to this woman in my life.")

8/26/2016

Nothing to Hide, Believe What I Say

Story Sent in by Amy:

In college I met up with my date Eddie in a park. When he first saw me he said, "I'm a hugger. It cool if we hug?"

I said, "Okay..." and he hugged me. Close and tight. He didn't let go.

I pushed him away but still he held on. I shoved at him and he didn't let go but laughed hysterically. We were in public for God's sake! He hung on until I smashed a fist against the side of his head.

He staggered back but then came at me with a smile and open arms again. I backed away and ran off. I think he gave up chasing me after a few moments but I didn't stop until I had made it at least a half mile away.

8/25/2016

Half a Mind

Story Sent in by Marco:

Marie and I were at a local cafe. Neither of us were too hungry so we agreed to split a sandwich.

The sandwich arrived whole and I cut it in half to the best of my ability. I gave her her half and she gave me a look. She said, "You're taking the bigger half. That's classy."

I didn't even realize that I had done that. The halves looked pretty equal to me. But I didn't care either way so I gave her my half and took back the one I had given her.

"Seriously?" she asked.

"What's wrong now?"

She said, "You still have the bigger half."

I told her, "I gave you one half. You said I had the bigger half. Then I gave you mine and now that one's bigger? They can't both be the bigger half."

She took her sandwich half and started eating it. "Whatever. Be greedy," she said.

But I wasn't letting go of this. "You just said both halves were the bigger half. Are you trying to pick a fight?"

"You took the bigger half! It doesn't matter."

"Clearly it does."

She threw down her half on her plate and said, "Now I won't have any of it! Happy?" and she took off.

I ended up eating both halves. Yum.

8/24/2016

Taste the Flavor

Story Sent in by Nancy:

I was in line with Wesley at an ice cream place. It was our first date and it was going all right. Behind us in line was a mother and two little girls. One was probably close to seven, the other close to three.

Wesley kept glancing behind us at them like something was wrong. I asked if everything was okay and he said it was. Clearly he was brushing me off about something. The line moved on.

The three-year-old was directly behind Wesley, right near his butt. Out of nowhere he let out a monumental fart right in her face.

Everyone around us looked our way. The little girl jumped back, looked up at Wesley, and started to cry. The mother grabbed the girl and asked Wesley, "What's wrong with you?"

"Yeah," was all Wesley said in response. I smelled the fart. It was really, really bad.

He could tell I was upset and he offered to pay for the ice cream, which I let him do. The whole incident grossed me out beyond belief and I didn't go out with him again.

8/23/2016

Beer Necessities

Story Sent in by Colby:

Anna and I were having a nice time over wine in her kitchen. We had just ordered in and I assumed that a night of chatting, watching a movie in her apartment common area, and hopefully more would shortly commence. She lived with a roommate but she assured me that he was gone for the night.

We were still at the table when her roommate returned. I was a little disappointed as I had hoped to be alone with Anna for the night but what happened next changed all that.

I was about to say hi to the guy when Anna jumped out of her chair, turned to the wall, and screamed, "It's not like my roommate just came home!" and smacked the poor man right in the face!

He yelled at her, "You stupid bitch! You stupid, stupid ho-bag! Get the hell out of my face! Stupid! Stupid!"

She flew out of the kitchen, ran to her bedroom, and slammed the door.

The roommate went on like nothing had happened. He said, "She's like that," then opened the fridge, pulled out a beer, and offered it to me.

I took it and left.

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