2/11/2016

Until We Made It to the Goats

Story Sent in by Joey:

There was a fun county fair in town and I took Annette there on our first date. Everything seemed normal and fine until we made it to the goats. When we did, Annette flailed right up to the fenced-in area and screamed, "BAA!"

The goats took notice. Some of them baa-ed back, but most jumped away like she was blasting a tuba at them. Not just goats, but people were also inching away from the crazy girl. I caught up with her and asked, "What are you doing?"

"They're goats!" she explained, then bellowed another, "BAA!" at them.

"Would you stop it?" I asked, taking her arm and trying to nudge her back from the poor animals.

She shook me off and said, "Don't you ever tell me to stop!" and then she ran back up to the fence and screamed, "BAA! BAA! BAAAAAAAA!"

So I was done with Annette. She was humiliating me, herself,, the goats, and I wasn't going to stand for it. I slipped away and left her there with the goats. She can date one of them, for all I care.

2/10/2016

Garden Gnome

Story Sent in by Sandra:

Somehow or other, Gerald and I wound up at a garden center during our first time out together. We walked by a fountain into which people had tossed pocket change.

He reached in and grabbed as much as he could. When he saw the look I gave him he said, "What? It's free money."

Once he had pocketed a bunch of the wet coins he grabbed some more and held them out to me. They were dripping wet and I didn't want them.

He asked, "What's wrong with you? Don't you want free money?"

"No. Why don't you just leave them in there?"

"Why? It's free money! Take it!"

I refused and he stuffed it into his own pockets. "More money for me." He then wiped his hands dry on the wide leaves of a nearby plant.

As we walked out of the garden center he said, "You laugh now, but this change will pay for our lunch."

I wasn't laughing. On the inside, I felt more like crying. I let him take me to lunch and he paid (mostly) with the change he had stolen. Needless to say, we didn't go out again.

2/09/2016

Any Other Name

Story Sent in by Laurence:

I thought it would be nice to take Lora out on a walk by a local pond and then do coffee. While we strolled she kept calling me "Drake." My name is Laurence and after the first couple of times I reminded her.

She apologized each time but then fell right back into it. Finally I asked her why she kept calling me "Drake."

She said, "I've never dated a guy named Drake and I've always wanted to and I hoped you'd be the one. But I guess I have to keep looking."

After that statement, I didn't even want to take her out for coffee anymore, so we finished our circuit of the pond and I told her that it was nice to meet her and that I had to go.

"So long, Drake," were her last words to me.

2/08/2016

Urine Trouble

Story Sent in by Patricia:

On a first date dinner with Edgar, he waxed poetic about his job as a car salesman. He told me all about how he saw it as an art and that it wasn't a career for just anybody. Ho hum. Anyway, the real excitement arrived when he came back from a bathroom trip.

He didn't say a word but he drank down a full glass of water and then reached across the table and drank mine. He smacked his lips like he had tasted something awful. I asked him, "Everything okay?"

He said, "At the urinal some pee splashed into my mouth."

After taking a moment to review his words, I asked, "Why was your mouth open at the urinal?"

He said, "I open my mouth all the way when I pee."

I glanced at my water. "You were going to tell me before I drank out of that, right?"

He replied, "It's not your business how I pee."

When the waiter came I asked for a new glass, pointing to Edgar and saying, "Some pee splashed in his mouth at the urinal and he drank from my glass."

The waiter gave us a momentary horrified look but replaced my glass without incident. I didn't go out with Edgar again.

2/07/2016

A Touching Sentiment

Profile Sent in by Elena:

About me:

It's a good year to be a man. Women for some reason throw themselves in front of me. I tell them let's go to bed and we go to bed! I tell another you are UGLY and go in front of train and they go in front of train and go boom into pieces. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

In a woman I seek one who will make me laugh and enjoy me being a man as much as I do. I touch and you touch and we all enjoy each other's company with a simple way. Who is not to like such a thing not to like?

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