11/28/2011

Seems Like a Catch, Except for That One Detail...

Profile Sent in by Samantha:

About me:

I'm a retail manager with a bachelor's degree. Pathetic, perhaps, but I'm quitting next month to go to grad school and to follow my dreams. Poverty-inducing, perhaps, but better to have a life wherein I've at least tried something courageous, right? Grad school program's in engineering. Here goes nothin'…!


The six things I couldn't live without:

1. My cat.
2. My family (but everyone says that. Does it still count?)
3. A healthy dose of adventure.
4. My friends (from high school and college)
5. Days off!
6. At least five good books at any given time.


Who I'm looking for:

HAIL MBANDKHZU. HE IS MY LORD. HE IS THE GOD KING OF ADULTHOOD AND HIS WEAPONS ARE DEMONS HEAD STAFF AND HIS VOICE SHAKES THE GROUND UNDER CHILDREN'S FEET. HE EATS UNWARY CHILDREN. HE IS THE DEMON KING OF DISAPPEARANCES AND LOCKED BOXES. MBANDKHZU WATCHES YOU SLEEP. HE JUDGES YOUR WORTH. MBANDKHZU!

HAIL MBANDKHZU! DURING MASS MY PRAYERS ARE SAID TO YOU. KEEP EATING GREAT LORD OF THE DEMONS HEAD STAFF AND NEVER BE SATIATED. UPON THIS WORLD BLOC I KNOW. YOU ARE MY FRUIT TREE AMIDST THE FLESH CIRCUS. MBANDKHZU

13 comments:

  1. Works for me. MBANDKHZU/GINGRICH 2012.

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  2. I am sooo going to put that on my Plenty of Fish profile!!

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  3. Poverty inducement was mostly my line of reasoning on grad school: "Hmm, I'm tired of being poor, so I will go to grad school and be MORE poor for two years! Woohoo!" It's remarkably effective.

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  4. A grad degree can make you more marketable, especially in a field such as engineering. I'm of the mind that education is always less expensive, long run, than ignorance. I admire the guy for realizing that there's more to life than living paycheck to paycheck in a retail job. Good on him for taking a risk.

    That said, he'd better not miss his daily goat shaving and ritual hot pumice exfoliation. MBANDKHZU demands both, and greedily.

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  5. This is what happens when you leave your OkC logged in at the Mac store.

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  6. Jared, absolutely agreed on the long term prospects. As long as MBANDKHZU wills it!

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  7. I TOTALLY thought this was a girl!! It's much funnier that way.

    Jessie, I also thought it could have been an "annoying little brother" scenario too.

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  8. You're right, this is really off. I almost didn't catch it, the detail was very slight. A dude who puts a cat on the top of the list might be one to watch out for. So weird.

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  9. Why is this guy even on a dating site? He's already found the love of his life: the demon king MBANDKHZU! Why can't those two crazy kids realize that they're head over heels with in love with each other? Sure, one might be a demon king and the other a retail manager, but in this crazy flesh circus world you have to hold on to the people you care about, no matter what other people think!

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  10. Deity Name: MBANDKHZU
    Alignment: Chaotic Evil
    Holy Symbol:WORLD BLOC
    Favored Weapon: DEMONS HEAD STAFF(small dagger)
    Portfolio: UNWARY CHILDREN, DISAPPEARANCES AND LOCKED BOXES
    Granted Domains:Envy, Hatred, Mentalism, Lust and Slime
    Typical Worshipers: Antisocial shut-ins

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  11. ^ I want to be the first to nominate MBANDKHZU as the official ABCotD mascot!

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  12. Ipdar, you're awesome. I second wolfdreams's motion.

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