Bringing Unsexy Back

Story Sent in by Madison:

Jake and I were out to dinner on our first date when he asked me, "Want to do something fun after dinner?"

I replied, "Absolutely. What do you have in mind?"

He said, "There's a really terrific place about two blocks from here."

We happened to be in the neighborhood where I grew up, so chances were that if he mentioned a place, I would know of it. I asked, "Where? Kylie's Cafe?"

"No. It's… a new place. It's a new place."

"What sort of place."

He frowned and said, "A lot of questions. Answers after dinner."

For the first time that night, I received a bad vibe. Something wasn't right. I nodded and said, "Okay," but I definitely had an ill feeling.

Sure enough, after we had eaten, we walked a couple of blocks away and he led me behind a row of stores. I stopped walking and he noticed. "What's wrong?"

I said, "Where are we going? There's nothing back here."

He said, "Exactly. Figured we could… you know…"

"Screw behind a Chinese restaurant? Are you serious?"

He laughed and said, "You make it sound so unsexy."

"Please enlighten me, then. Is there a sexy way to say it?" I stepped away.

He said, "Yeah. Come with me and I'll show you."

I noticed that I had started shaking. I took another few steps away and said, "I… I don't think so. Good night."

I walked away as quickly as I could.

Jake walked after me. Silently.

I hurried back to my car, opened it, closed the door, locked it, and watched as he walked in front of my car, effectively blocking me in the spot where I had parallel parked, unless he moved.

I turned the car on. He didn't move. I revved the engine. He smiled. I honked and flashed my brights. He grinned even wider. I rolled down my passenger side window, the side away from him, and yelled, "Get out of the way."

He shrugged. I shifted the car into drive and inched closer to him. He said, "I'm not moving. I've got all night if you do."

I released the brake, tapped the gas, and hit into him on purpose. Low speed. Not fast enough to do any damage.

Jake smashed his fists on my hood and climbed up onto it. That was a strategic mistake, on his part. Without any further warning, I drove out of the spot. He lost his balance and fell off the car, towards the street. Lucky for him, there was no oncoming traffic, otherwise he would have certainly been hit.

I drove away as quickly as I could. He didn't know where I lived, and I was sure to block his emails and I didn't answer either of his two phone calls. Scariest moments of my life, I think, but also, in retrospect, some of the most empowering.


  1. I really don't consider attempted vehicular manslaughter empowering. Just because you took the law into your own hands doesn't mean you're awesome. Should have called the cops from the safety of your car, then the prick would have had a record for the rest of his life.

    You're lucky nobody saw and he didn't sue.

  2. I'm not so sure I would agree with your caution Mediator. If I was in her place I would have tried to use the bumper to break his shins and backed up over him for good measure then call it self defense. Okay so I would have been too scared to back over him but I would have driven right though him. Never corner an animal without expecting to get bit.

  3. Heh funny thought: he wanted to plow her but instead she plowed him!

  4. Wise man once said "yield right-of-way to scared women in car, lest you die."

    OK, maybe I just made that up...

    On the other hand, what would Jesus do?

    Back to my bourbon and coke...

  5. A guy that creepy deserves to be thrown off a moving vehicle. Good on the OP for making it out of that situation safely.

  6. It might have been smarter to call the cops, but what the OP lacked in common sense she made up in pure Awesome.

  7. She was in danger, feared him, and gave him plenty warning to get the hell out of her way. Go OP!

  8. Yeah, there comes a time when you've given enough warnings, and it's time to do what you need to do. She bumped the guy, he climbed on the car and was smashing his fists into the hood, her life was in danger at that point.

  9. Two more seconds and those fists would have been pounding on the windshield.

    Sorry, Mediator--when the zombie apocalypse comes, I'd rather be in the car with the OP.

  10. Regardless of the situation, hitting someone with your car on purpose is still your fault. He hadn't done anything that would have put her at risk while she was locked inside.

    - Had she called the cops there would have been a recording of the situation as it played out and the operator would have told her what to do.
    - He would have ended up with a police record if she had pressed charges, and she would not have been at risk at one herself.

    Unless he grabbed a weapon to try and break the glass there was no way he was getting inside.

  11. If you were in the situation as it was happening, your instincts would take over. Looking at the story now, after it has happened, we can make logical decisions without having fear overshadowing our thoughts, such as calling the cops and waiting in the car as crazy man pounds on your hood with his fists. OP clearly had fear, so I don't blame her for handling it the way she did.

  12. There's no mention that she had her cell with her. And yes, he could have gotten in without a weapon. He would have had minor cuts on his hands, but somehow I don't think he would have cared.

    Depending on what state this happened in, it would have been classified as self defense.

  13. Well, if OP wanted to better cover her own ass she could have called the police, but I think that her reaction was pretty understandable. If you don't know how much of a psycho you are dealing with it's hard to stick around waiting for the police to show up - there would have been plenty of time for him to break into her car meanwhile.

  14. I agree with theMediator. If she had her cell, she should have called 911. However, she was smart enough to realize not to go with him and try to get away, I would assume she didn't have her cell. She could have laid on her horn, but I respect her actions. He was scary.

  15. @ TheMediator:

    You could just grow a pair of balls and do what the girl did, or, I dunno, wait around for 30 minutes in a threatening situation, like you seem to think is a good idea...

    I'd be interested to know just when you'd think it WAS appropriate to drive ahead, regardless of the human obstacle. When he is smashing her car? When he starts pounding the windscreen? When he tries to pull her out?

    This girl did everything right. Sure it might have been an idea to call the cops, but in the heat of the moment, you're better to defend yourself than worry about the legal niceties. Not that she would have been in any trouble in most countries for her actions.

  16. @Jason

    Listen, I don't have any problem defending myself or the people around me, but only when the situation calls for it. Obviously she didn't feel like she was in danger because SHE ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW TO YELL AT HIM. How fast do you think he could have made it to the driver side window? Faster than it would have made it closed, that's for sure.

    Also, at the point where he decided to "hit into him on purpose" he was only standing in front of her car. SHE escalated the situation to the point where he decided it would be a better idea to get on her hood than stay in front of the car.

    And for all of you who think it is so damn easy to punch your way into a car look at any of these (they're all pretty much the same - some with hands, some with objects).


    Now my point isn't to say that it's impossible to break into a car because we all know it is. But he hadn't tried to do anything like this yet and she overreacted. I can understand the heat of the moment thing, my only qualm originally was how upon reflection she felt "empowered" by something where she was actually in the wrong.

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  18. I'm 50-50 with this one. By the time the cops showed up, he could have run away (that's assuming she even had a cell phone to call the police with). The OP taught him a lesson he won't soon forget, and he'll certainly think twice before playing the "tough guy". On the other hand, the OP could have gotten in some serious trouble; depending on where she was and if he was injured from the fall, she could have been charged with a hit-and-run. Is being sued and/or going to prison really worth a 30-second power trip?

    Also, as Mediator said, it's not that easy to smash a car window. Lastly, if he tried to attack her driver's side window, he would have had to move away from the front of the car, enabling her to drive away.

  19. She "rolled down my passenger side window." Not the driver's side one. She likely anticipated that he'd make a go for her window.

  20. I can't see myself ever hitting someone with my car deliberately, even gently. Mostly because I've been hit by a car at low speed as a pedestrian and it causes more damage than you might think. Someone would have to be pointing a firearm at me through the windshield before I'd ever consider hitting them. And as far as them breaking in while she waited for the cops, no one said she would just sit there with the car off. The minute he moved to the side, she could have started making her way out of the parking space. Don't get me wrong, he's a complete psycho, but he's not the Hulk.

  21. Mediator, you make several very good points, and I'm not disputing them. But to counterbalance those arguments, Madison totally got away with it, and besides, Jake was a bad person who deserved to be hit by a car. So while your approach may have entailed less risk for her, I found the OP's solution quite emotionally gratifying.

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  23. ^ So as long as you get away with it, anything goes? By that logic, murder is totally cool if the person is a jerk and you don't get caught.

  24. ^ That's a bit of an extreme interpretation of what I said, don't you think? Regardless of what religion you follow, killing somebody for "being a jerk" is pretty disproportionate.

    That said, if somebody was truly legitimately evil, then why WOULDN'T getting rid of them be a good thing? I mean, imagine how much better the world would be if Hitler or Osama Bin Laden had died ten years earlier.

  25. ^So is hitting someone with a car for standing in front of it.

  26. ^ Well, nobody said he deserved to be hit by a car simply for standing in front of it. The reason I feel he deserved it was because of his douchey behavior combined with his refusal to let her escape from a situation which she clearly was uncomfortable with.

    I suppose we can have different opinions as to what kind of punishment his behavior warranted, but can we at least agree that some sort of punishment WAS indeed deserved? I mean, when a woman wants to leave and the guy says "No, I'm not letting you" that scenario sort of seems vaguely rapey, wouldn't you say?

  27. I don't necessarily agree with what the OP did, but I respect her balls and think she acted well under duress - and I'm glad she didn't get sued or arrested.

  28. @wolfie

    Well of course, but as you said in a more recent post, with a little more finesse.

    Cars aren't exactly the most subtle instruments of vengeance.

  29. Well, subtlety is limited by time and effort. I suppose in an *ideal* world, she could have followed your advice, then later on secretly do some research on Jake, find out something he cared about, and then crush it brutally. But isn't that a lot of effort to go through just to put Jake gets his comeuppance? Every moment spent pursuing vengeance for real or perceived wrongs is time that could be spent making your life more awesome instead. Hitting Jake may have lacked finesse, but it was a quick and easy and sent the right message.

  30. All I can figure is that this is before the time of mobile phones :\

  31. @wolfie

    I still don't think it was worth th epossible legal retribution. But that being said, she got away with it, so...

    I don't know. I just didn't like how proud she was of it.

  32. ^ Well, as I initially said, you DID make several good points that I can't dispute. That was certainly one of them.

    Another reason your veiwpoint may differ is simply that I think you're slightly nicer than me... which is entirely OK! If the world were full of people like me, half the population would die off in a surge of Darwinism. ;-)

  33. However, the next year's Darwin Awards book would be just amazing. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard as I do reading those.

  34. being a female who has been physically assaulted and intimidated by a man before, I can tell you that when your heart is racing and your hands are shaking, fight or flight instincts kick in. You don't ponder whether what you need to do to get yourself away and somewhere safe might have legal repercussions.

    As for the argument that windows are hard to break, not everyone is aware of this. How many movies and tv shows have shown the average person that all you need to do is hit it with an elbow?

    Also, if it were me, I don't think I would be able to sit in my car with a psycho outside, waiting who knows how long for the police to show up.

    These are just not things you think about when you feel you're in danger. It's more like "OhGodOhGodOhGod...letmeoutletmeoutletmeout..."


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