10/11/2011

Not Just Nuts. Donuts.

Story Sent in by Nancy:

Cal and I spoke online for a little while before we met in person for our first date. It went well, and I hoped that we would see each other again.

When a few days passed without having heard from him, I took the initiative and wrote him an email to say that I had a great time and had a few ideas for things we could do on a future excursion.

He didn't write back, but he did show up at my work the next day with a box of donuts. It was a surprise, but not an unwelcome one.

"These are for you," he said, and placed them on my desk.

"Thank you so much," I said, "I was hoping to hear from you. How've you been?"

He licked his lips and said, "One of the donuts is poisoned! Oh ho ho!" and he ran away from me and out of the entire office.

I ate a donut. It didn't kill me. I brought the rest home and they eventually went stale. Cal never called or messaged me again.

15 comments:

  1. Why would you eat a possibly poisoned doughnut?

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  2. Why not? Donuts are tasty and the chances of one of them was actually poisoned were slim to none.

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  3. *that one of them

    Yikes, bad grammar.

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  4. Some ladies get the message when the guy doesn't call them back, but for other girls, that hint is far too subtle. For women like THAT, there's poisoned donuts.

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  5. That's a lot of work to ditch someone.

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  6. Yeah, I'd have binned the donuts. Sure he might have been lying. Then again, was it really worth it? Seriously, imagine this conversation:

    Ambo: I'm gonna have to pump her stomach. Hey lady, did you eat anything suss lately?

    Nancy: Well, some guy gave me a box of donuts and told me one was poisoned.

    Ambo: And you... ate one? Really?

    Nancy: Bleeeeeeerrrrrggggghhhh.

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  7. ^Hey, at least Ambo would have gotten a great story out of it.

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  8. ^ I bet you he put the donuts rings on his dick before giving them to you. That's an old prank and funny to watch people eat them...err..or so I'm told.

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  9. I hate to be the one to say it, but the only thing that explains everything about this post is that she's fat.

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    Replies
    1. We fat people can buy our own donuts and have no need to eat possibly poisoned ones. Complete fail on your explanation. Boo.

      Delete
  10. Doughnuts cost, like, 70 cents. I agree it was unlikely that the doughnuts were actually poisoned, but on the other hand it's probably worth the 70 cents to me to avoid that small chance.

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  11. Cotswolds, I'd hate being that unoriginal too.

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  12. Beth, where do you live that your donuts are so cheap?! Goddammit, now I want a donut.

    It's obvious he didn't like her anymore because she's a fat bitch. Hell, she wasted perfectly good donuts when she could have shared them with the other people in her office! Way to dodge a fat bullet, Cal.

    PS: I totes would've eaten the donuts.

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    Replies
    1. He most likely knew if she was a plus-sized lady when he went on the date in the first place. I at least always tell the guys that I'm plus-sized because I don't want to waste anyone's time. And if one was possibly poisoned, why put her co-workers at risk? Even if she was willing to put herself at risk.

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  13. ^Anyplace with a Tim Horton's?

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