8/01/2011

The Eunuch in the Closet

Story Sent in by Dan:

Cathy and I met at a mutual friend's party, and it was that mutual friend who introduced us. We seemed to have a lot in common, including a slight obsession with the same TV shows. Over the course of our conversation, she touched my shoulder several times, which I took as a good sign.

We spoke for a while, and by the end of the night, as the party wound down, she asked me if I wanted to go to her house to watch some episodes she had on her DVR. We were both a little buzzed and pretty into each other, so we left together and I followed her back to her apartment.

Once there, she set us up on her couch and started a TV show. Our legs were touching, and I thought that it would be a good idea to make a move.

Before I could, she leaned over and kissed my cheek. I looked at her. She turned to me and said, "What's up?"

I went for a kiss, and in response, she leaped up and yelled, "Oh my God! Stewart!"

I didn't know what she was talking about until a big guy, wearing just boxers, opened a nearby door.

Cathy pointed at me and said, "Stewart, oh my God, this kid just tried to rape me."

That was my cue to leap up and say, "No I didn't," or at least begin to say that, because the mountain that was Stewart bore down at me with terrifying speed.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the best in a fight, and I always prefer to settle things peacefully. Stewart's fury gave me but one option, and that option was to run.

I bolted for the closed apartment door, but Stewart grabbed me just as I opened it. I heard Cathy yell, "Get him! Get him, Stewart!"

Realizing that I was no match for this guy, I backed into the apartment and looked for any way to make it back to the exit.

Stewart came at me and I dodged away. I had a split second to make for the door, and make for the door I did. I ran down the hallway, the boxer-clad Stewart huffing and stomping behind me. The first option I found was a stairwell marked "Emergency exit only."

I shoved it open and a high-pitched alarm blared, but I didn't stop. I nearly tumbled down the steps and finally made it outside, not stopping until I made it back to my car.

The next day, I called my friend, the one who had introduced us, and told him about it. He told me, "She's nuts. Don't worry about it." My friend claimed that he had no idea that Cathy had a live-in boyfriend, bodyguard, eunuch, or whatever Stewart was.

12 comments:

  1. I am so going to do this to someone, I'll wear my Winnie The Pooh boxers for extra effect!

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  2. As a male I must stress how very nice it was of this girl to play the R-card. That's not messed up at all.

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  3. Fuck these girls who lie about rape! Not only is lying wrong and has been the cause of many innocent men going to prison, but it's offensive as hell because it's disrespectful to women who have actually gone through the trauma and pain of being raped.

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  5. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the unnamed TV show being referenced was Dr. Who.

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  6. OP should have kicked in the TV, gone back and slashed her tires...something. This one ticks me off!

    Ommmmmmmmmmmmm...

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  7. Actually, I have read of it happening Gnome, more often than you think. One woman lied about a man attacking her when it was really her friends. She didn't want her friends to get in trouble for beating her up, so she lied and said the man raped her. He was listed as a sex offender and was in prison for some time before DNA analysis was perfected and they were able to prove that it wasn't him. So, yeah, it happens. What's more, his name will never be taken off the list.

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  9. I don't get where the "eunuch" thing came from. "Steroid abuser" leaps to mind before "ball-less guy who sexually entertains powerful men."

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  10. Eunichs were also harem guards in some cultures (and in others they were movers and shakers in the political scene due to the fact that they were considered more trustworthy by royalty as they would never have children to divide their loyalty or threaten royal power...but I think it's probably more the harem guard thing)

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