Time for New Relatives

Submitted by Mark:

Angela contacted me online.  She seemed like a pretty normal 32-year-old. We chatted, and over the course of our correspondences, she asked for my full name.  I didn't think anything of it at the time, so I gave it to her.  Shortly after this, she stopped messaging me, and I thought nothing of it.

About a month later, she got in contact and asked if I wanted to have a date with her.  We arranged a place to meet, but I was in for a surprise.

Angela said, "I looked your name up in the phone book and found two people with the same name and initials in the area. I called both of them. The first was your apartment, and I decided not to leave a message. The other person was Melissa."

Melissa is my cousin's wife, who I have only met twice and don't really know.

Angela said that she had two long conversations with Melissa. She had told Melissa that she had arranged a blind date with me from an online dating site, and wanted to know my dating history, my job situation, my salary, if I wanted children, if I had any mental disorders, and if Melissa had anything to warn her about.

She then congratulated me for passing the test.

I told her that I appreciated her honesty and her initiative.  However, I was a little weirded out by this.

Angela reassured me that there was nothing to be worried about.  She said that she was pleased to discover that our apartments were within walking distance of each other.

At this point alarm bells were going off, however I was also concerned about how she'd react if I didn't meet her.  We arranged to meet at a well-populated local cafe the next day.

I arrived at the cafe to see a very large woman in her 40s. The woman resembled Angela and approached me with, "Hi, Mark."

She was visibly shaking, and I became a little concerned.  I suggested sitting down for a chat and a drink.

Angela explained that apart from interviewing my cousin's wife, she had done some pretty thorough checks on the Internet about me as well.

I explained that I appreciated her honesty, however I really didn't feel at all comfortable or feel a connection with her, especially as her photo and profile seemed to be significantly out of date.

Angela became very defensive and told me that I wouldn't have met her if she had put a current photo up. I agreed. I wished her all the best for her future and left.


  1. so she was a massive stalker and your major complaint was with her outdated profile photo? you did not dodge a bullet here. The bullet will be finding you again sometime very soon I'm sure.

  2. Boring story...far too common for internet dates to even appear here

  3. So, the internet access from the bottom of her basement in her killing room is good then?

  4. Calling up one's relatives and being a general weirdo is 'far too common for internet dates to even appear here'? I've done a lot of internet dating over the years and met some strange people but this has NEVER happened to me!

  5. LOL @ Nom!

    OP, you know why she didn't talk to you for a month? It takes a while to stalk someone long enough to get a urine sample and those damn background checks take forever to come back. But hey, at least you're good enough for a stalker. Take comfort in that...and keep a gun close by.

  6. Time to have a talk with your cousin's wife! Who the hell volunteers information about family members, to people who randomly phone you? Did she give out your credit card information, and bank account numbers? That someone you know went along with this, is as weird as the date itself.

  7. kate the great7/12/2010 6:14 PM

    Anonymous 12:23...

    You use WAY TOO MANY COMMAS. Please stop it, you're hurting me.

  8. I'm really surprised you went through with the date at all - stalkers suck.

    A word of maybe unwanted advice, if she keeps it up I wouldn't fuck around - just call the cops. If she is harmless, the cops intervention will embarrass here into stopping. If she's not, you'll have a record of behavior.

    And I agree with 12:23, find out what the relative said about you.

  9. beam me up scotty

  10. @6:14, you use WAY TOO FEW SEMICOLONS! Please start using them; they can make a boring sentence fun again.

  11. at12:23


    p.s. wtf is up with using @ to respond to people? It reads like I wrote above

  12. ^ Using "@" before a person's name (or, in the case of anonymous posters, its time stamp) is a Twitter thing. It's supposed to let the poster know that you are directing your comment to them.

  13. Clive Warren7/13/2010 5:16 PM

    Pretty standard stalker, more of a bullet grave than a dodge...

  14. @3:05, in my head, I say "at 3:05" as well, and still use it. I like to think of it as "My comment is directed 'at 3:05'". Same on Twitter.

  15. I think using @ is a pretty accepted practice and (assuming it's ok with Jared) decree that it is perfectly fine and should never again be questioned. There you go, one less thing to worry about.

  16. Crazy as a shithouse rat.

  17. @s and semicolons aside, I think you all should use more "that that" and "had had"s (sp?). I think that that makes a more interesting sentence. If I had had more of "that that" then I probably would have been giddy that I had had such a well constructed sentence.



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