3/24/2010

Sand Witch

Submitted by Carl:

If dinner with Ashley was any indication about how our future would go, then I think I dodged a firing squad.  When we were first getting to know each other, she seemed a little high-strung, but nothing too crazy.  An indicator should have been when she asked me where the closest movie theater to my house was.  I told her, and she asked me if it was near a McDonald's, which I said it was, and then she said that that was why she didn't go to that theater.

At dinner (not at McDonald's) I asked her if she wanted to split an appetizer.

She asked, "You mean, share from the same plate?  No."

So she might have been a little OCD, but I can be fine with that.  It was when our main course was served that things went a bit overboard.  I had ordered a turkey sandwich.  She ordered a salad.

I began eating and she stared at me.  I asked her what was up.

She asked, "That's how you eat a sandwich?"

I looked at my sandwich-holding stance.  Two hands.  Two slices of bread.  Sandwich doings in the middle.  What was the problem?

She handed me a fork and butter knife.  "Use these, please."

I told her, "This is how sandwiches are supposed to be eaten, I'm pretty sure."

She cut in, "I've never seen anyone eat a sandwich like that.  Use a knife and fork, please.  This isn't your house."

Ew.  What the hell was this chick talking about?  To be sure I wasn't going nuts, I asked her, "You've never seen someone eat a sandwich with their hands before?"

She said, "No.  Nobody does."

Was I on candid camera or something?  I looked around the restaurant to see if anyone else was eating a sandwich with their hands, but I couldn't spot anyone in the immediate area with a sandwich.  I refused to compromise on this.  It was ridiculous.  I told her that we could ask the waitress when she came back if it was appropriate to eat a sandwich with your hands, as the waitress had probably seen many sandwiches being eaten in her time.

Ashley laughed and asked, "Are you serious?  Why are you making a scene?  Use a fork and knife.  Now."

"No.  I refuse."

The waitress came by and sure enough, I asked her if it was appropriate to eat a sandwich with my hands.  She gave me a very funny look and said, "I can't think of another way to eat it."

When she left, Ashley pushed her salad away and said, "I've lost my appetite."  The rest of dinner was a bit awkward, but I had a delicious sandwich to eat.  With my hands.


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Why stop there?

17 comments:

  1. its finger food. girl's a nutcase... be glad you escaped, she'd probably be picking out your clothes for you, training you to be her perfect man... which in turn making you just as nutty as her.

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  2. Poster above me has it right. Girl was just trying to see how much she could mold you to not do the things she disliked. Had you folded like a house of cards then she'd just have found something else to complain about anyway.

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  3. DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET! DODGED A BULLET!

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  4. Dude - WTF?!

    Lucky escape.

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  5. That is wierd. A little tip though, don't order a sandwich or similiar finger foods on a first date. Accidents can happen and they can get a little messy sometimes.

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  6. A turkey sandwich is as safe as you're going to get as far as inexpensive dinner foods go. Sure a steak with sides is less messy but it's also more expensive. A first date meal is more or less just a test of whether or not you can stand someone's company for more than an hour.

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  7. Like ROUS, she just didn't believe people that ate sandwiches by hand existed. That's why she wouldn't go within a mile of McDonald's. I don't think they have anything on their menu that you can't eat with your hands. (Yeah, ok they have icecream but that would just be weird)

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  8. Delicious sandwich.

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  9. @ 12:46 oh noes! I dropped a lettuce leaf! i'm mortified! this date is ruined!!

    really? would a perfectly normal "eating situation" like dropping a bit of food from a sammich or having to use a napkin ruin a date? That tip sounds straight out of a magazine for insecure teen girls.

    @ OP: did you eat her salad too? I would've.

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  10. @ 1:46 How bout her snatch?

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  11. I applaud OPs refusal to be bullied into using a knife and fork

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  12. The sandwich was invented by the Earl of Sandwich for the EXPRESS PURPOSE of creating food that could be eaten with the hands, without the requirement of knife and fork(nor the requirement to stop gambling). She's not just wrong culturally, but historically!

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  13. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Montagu,_4th_Earl_of_Sandwich

    Kidda

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  14. I would have asked for a separate check and taken my sandwich to go.

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  15. man you really dodged a bullet!

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  16. ..she just wanted to be forked.. ;-)

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  17. Cultural note: I've read that in France, it is poor manners to eat a sandwich with your hands (at least in a restaurant) -- you are supposed to use a knife and fork.

    That doesn't change the fact that this woman was kind of nuts in how she went about dealing with the OP. :)

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