2/26/2010

How Being Stood Up Can Save Your Life

Submitted by Thomas:

When I was 21, I had a job at a guitar factory. I was pretty good friends with my boss, and used to crash over at her house quite a bit. There I met Claire, the daughter of one of her friends, who was pretty damn cute and approachable.

Claire was a fitness nut, and had done a lot of martial arts. I'd studied a bit of Karate and Kenpo when I was much younger, and was thinking of picking it up again. We connected in a friendly way, and I asked her out on a casual date to go watch a Charlie Chaplin revival at the local college. She agreed with some interest, and I arranged to pick her up at work that Friday.

Friday came around, and I dropped by her workplace. She was nowhere to be seen, and when I enquired, they told me that she'd had an urgent call from a friend, and had gone home early. So I called up her home, and after a few tries over the next hour or so got her father on the phone. He told me that her sparring partner from her martial arts class had picked her up, and they'd gone out for a "talk." She'd told her father that she'd be back soon, and would still like to go out with me that night once she got back.

Well, you can probably tell where this is leading. I called a few more times that night, and she had not come home. So I gave it up, and she never got back to me with any kind of meaningful explanation or apology, I decided that I wouldn't ask her out anymore. It wasn't worth the aggravation to be stood up again. How lucky I was, as you'll see...

A couple of years later, I was read a newspaper headline: "Obsessed Stalker Arrested - Victims Hospitalized." There on the front page was the story of how Claire and her boyfriend had been assaulted by her ex-sparring partner, the same guy she'd had to go talk to on the night of our failed date. This guy was a third-dan black belt, and had been obsessed with Claire ever since they had met at the dojo years before. He'd tried to be romantic, then when she broke it off with him he'd remained a very controlling friend who tried to limit her relationships with other men (like me, apparently). Finally, when she got serious about someone, he'd stalked her and harassed her, and she had gotten a restraining order against him.

One night, he broke into her boyfriend's apartment, found them, and slugged her in the sternum with a nightstick, breaking three ribs, then struck her on the head to knock her out. Then he worked over the boyfriend, who fought back as well as he could, but was no match. Luckily, Claire regained consciousness and called the cops, who arrived at the scene in time to stop him from literally beating her boyfriend to death.

That boyfriend had been a football star at high school, and was an athletic, healthy young man in his prime. Now, he might never walk again. His kneecaps had been shattered. His spleen was ruptured. He had multiple fractures, lacerations, and a severe concussion. Though I was pretty shocked to read all this, and sad for Claire, I couldn't escape the sensation that I had been incredibly lucky to have been stood up all those years ago. I wouldn't have lasted two minutes against that guy. I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Sometimes being stood up is a good thing. At least it could teach you some humility. In my case, it likely saved my life.

As a postscript, that guy pleaded criminally insane and went to an institution for a very long time. I bumped into Claire a dozen or so years later, and sold her and her fiance (yet another guy) an old mobile home that I was getting rid of. She seemed pretty happy. I hope they never let that maniac out.

28 comments:

  1. Holy cow, you are lucky!

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  2. You're lucky, he's crazy.

    That said: what's this story, and the last story doing here? I want to read about bad dates, not insane karate partners and dates that weren't dates..

    That said, is it cold in here?

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  3. link the story or it never happened. sounds like you were the stalker! calling multiple times in a night to the parents household...

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  4. 11:08 is a retard

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  5. cuh-reepy!

    yeah, I'd say OP dodged a bullet (or a nightstick)

    Yikes.

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  6. @10:04 - I'm not sure what OCD compulsion has you apoplectic that this and a few other stories deviate from a strictly defined "date". This *is* a site for bad dating stories, but I think that stories about the set up or about a story related to a bad date are still firmly on topic. It's not like these have suddenly become posts about puppies or some shit. So breathe into your paper bag, practice letting the food touch on your plate without having a seizure, and basically chill out and STFU.

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  7. I wrote this piece. The assault took place in the mid-80's in a small West Coast city. I doubt that there would be any link to it on the internet - it was too long ago and in too obscure a place. And anyway, things like this happen all over the country, or the world in fact, all too often. I just happened to be on the fringes of an obsessive relationship. But in any case, "the names have been changed to protect the innocent."

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  8. Are you the same guy who had the bad date story where some girl lead you into a barn where a cult ceremony was taking place?

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  9. No, he is the same guy who tried to get hooked up with the 12 year old daughter of his co-worker.

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  10. So, Jennifer, what have you got against puppie?

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  11. Hey, 2:50, get your shit straight! My hippy co-worker invited me to dinner as a ploy to set me up with her 15-year-old daughter, who was being abused by her dad. I thought it was sick and got out of there. And you are sick for twisting my words into an accusation against me. Everybody here on this site, be a witness. A large part of my life has been spent educating and protecting children, especially teens. So go fuck yourself, Anonymous.

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  12. I remember the story the way 2:50 said it. Pervert.

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  13. @ 5:50 - go read it yourself: http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2009/11/i-know-why-caged-date-sings.html

    That said, you are both cowards, hiding behind your anonymity. You can say whatever you like and get away with it. Go read the Lucifer Effect by Philip Zimbardo, because that's you to a tee.

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  14. I felt bad for her former injured boyfriend. Now she's happy with another man. This is the saddest story on this site.

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  15. I actually don't mind stories like this changes the pace. Griperster, lol see through the B.S. stop getting baited man.

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  16. uh...point taken, 9:14, but I don't like complete bullshit accusations to go uncorrected. Especially the ones creeping through the sick minds of 2:50 and 5:50.

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  17. Hey Griper, this is the third story you have posted that isn't really about a date.
    Have you ever been on a date?

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  18. Sure, I've been on dates before. You should try it out - it's really a fun way to meet people. See, you ask a person of the desired gender to join in a social activity such as dining or a movie. I highly recommend it. Hope that helps...

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  19. Oh, dear, Gripster 3:30, I guess you didn't take the point after all. Let me explain how to handle the trolls in terms of this site: you can't just seem too willing to respond and go along with whatever crazy someone throws at you. You'll just end up in a chatroom with a virtual printer thrown at your head.

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  20. dammit man, now the coast is clear, you missed the opportunity to get back in touch.
    @ gripester, you are really sick. get in therapy before you hurt another innocent child.

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  21. Actually, 11:29, you should ask your therapist why you have the need to accuse people like you just did, anonymously, so that you don't have to take responsibility for your actions. I pity anyone who comes under your power, like a kindergarten teacher or camp counselor, whose reputation you can slime with a false anonymous accusation. You are a useless piece of shit.

    Anyone who is posting on here that there is anything untoward in my actions with relation to any story on this site either can't read, can't remember the story, or is just lying in order to stir up shit. I normally wouldn't respond, except I am using my blog name here, and I do have a rep to back up on the internet.

    Does anyone really think that Jared, the guy who runs this site, would allow a perverted story to be posted here? Well, he wouldn't, and I didn't. FYI, I have worked for 25 years in child education. I've received honors from youth groups internationally, and organized relief efforts for children in need. My reputation is sterling. I wonder what 2:50, 5:50. and 11:29 have ever done to help a child. I wonder at their need to accuse someone like me of perversion, when indeed there is no sign of it anywhere on this site, on the internet, or reality for that matter.

    If this makes you little trolls happy, you've hurt me. Your comments are a serious breach of humanity, and they do negatively affect me, and probably convince one or two gullible people reading this site that I am suspect. I hope that is enough for you.

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  22. i'm convinced you may be criminally insane.

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  23. Up yours, coward. Post your trolly opinion under your blog name, where we can all go and see who you are and what you have done. Otherwise, STFU.

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  24. no, and you can't make me.

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  25. Gripester, I doubt any logical thinking person is going to be convinced by a bunch of anonymous trolls that you're some kind of pervert or that you've done anything suspicious. I understand needing to defend yourself in a forum where people who read your blog can find you and jump to conclusions, but I honestly don't know anyone whose opinion of someone has changed b/c of reading some anonymous idiot's trolling. :/

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  26. jeez, let it go gripester, you are so gullible it isn't even fun anymore.

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  27. TheGripester3/02/2010 10:46 PM

    You know the best part about having sex with twenty-five year olds? There's twenty of em!

    Nikki, don't you understand? I have a REPUTATION to protect! People KNOW me! INTERNET PEOPLE! Their opinion of me matters, because this post says my NAME!!!

    @7:54, yes, it's still fun...

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  28. I have written an article about what to do if you are stood up which you can read here -> http://www.evannassau.com/getting-back-at-guy-who-stood-me-up/

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