They Said You Was High Class

Submitted by Kimberly:

Ben took me out to dinner and drinks, the drinks definitely easing me into a more relaxed and talkative state.  I let my guard down, admittedly.

It began innocently enough.  He asked me about one past relationship after another, just a little here, a little there.  How long did they last?  How did we meet?  Why did they end?

He told me that he liked dressing up like Elvis for his girlfriends.  I told him that it was likely something that wouldn't turn me on, although I didn't think less of him for having such a fetish.  He then initiated a long, long conversation about how so many women found Elvis attractive.  Why didn't I?

He used examples from what I had told him about my past relationships, using them to indicate that I might have been into something freaky, and, when I didn't change my opinion about his Elvis antics, mused that my relationships ended because I was a "closed-minded bitch."

"Check it out," he said at one point, when I was ready to leave, and he broke into an impromptu Elvis dance-jig-thing right there in the restaurant.  I would have thought it dorky and charming if the guy wasn't such an asshole.  He danced like a walrus that had been set upside-down and was struggling to right itself.

Then, he made a clumsy bow, walked off into the restaurant, and didn't come back.  It was as if he had lost interest.  I was hoping that he had, since I waited ten minutes, then left.  Thankfully, we had already paid the check.


  1. Hahaha, you stuck around and waited for him.

  2. Perhaps he *was* a walrus.

  3. "Ladies and gentlemen...Elvis has LEFT the building!"

  4. It puzzles me too. Is it because it's normal these days for someone to show that kind of hostility on a first date?

  5. Open-Minded Bitch2/26/2010 4:23 PM

    You'd think so, reading the dates on this site. :P I guess young people are losing their self-respect more and more?

  6. You are a closed minded bitch!

    Just kidding!

    She waited 10 minutes because everyone knows that it takes Elvis 10 minutes to eat a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. then he returns for the encore. too bad you didnt stay, he could have given you his burning love.

  7. You should have quit stepping on his blue suede shoes.

  8. the King is gone.

  9. You probably looked like nuthin' but a hound dog.

  10. Hahahahahhaaaaaaaaa! The line about him looking like a walrus is easily the funniest visual image I've read on this site!

    Mayhap he was confused and thought he was supposed to be Paul McCartney...?



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