Zeus Lips Sink Ships

Story Sent in by Patrick:

Melissa and I were walking side by side and chatting on our first date and we made it to the topic of religion. I told her I was a non-practicing Catholic and she told me…

“I worship Zeus.”

I was sure she was kidding and asked, to clarify, “Zeus?”

She nodded and repeated, “Zeus. Lightning bolts. Karate chop!” and then chopped her hand right into my throat.

There was a lot of pain and then I coughed up a storm. She looked completely disinterested and asked, “Are you done yet, drama queen?”

I yelled, “How would you like me to kick your ass!?” I wouldn’t have touched her but I wanted to freak her out. She had just attacked me, after all.

She cowered and said, “Okay, psycho. Date over.” I couldn’t have said it better, myself.


  1. I hope this one is made up- it sounds a little off. :)

  2. Like threatening her with violence (on a first date) was any better than what she did. SMH. Both OP and the date are tools.

  3. She was saying "Jesus", not "Hey, Zeus"..

  4. I like OP's honesty: he recognised that threatening violence was a douche bag thing to do. Which made him much better that Melissa who did not even acknowledge that she actually used physical violence...
    In a way, the worse thing OP did was not being clear about why he was angry to a girl who was obviously too thick to realise she's done something wrong.

    1. Yeah, but sometimes when we're in pain or feel threatened, our rational side refuses to come out.

    2. Yep. Try to say: "excuse me madam, but your lack of apologies, let alone concerns, for the pain you inflicted upon me, although accidentally I assume, especially considering the intrinsic dangerous nature of a hit on the larynx, denotes a selfish or even egoistical nature, which would be incompatible with a mutually satisfactory relationship,wether romantic of friendly. Therefore, I'll terminate this date and leave at once. Kind regards" when in pain!


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