The Risk Not Taken

Story Sent in by Gregorio:

Carrie invited me over to her house for a board game night and maybe to watch a movie. We were having a good time playing Risk when she excused herself to go to the bathroom. She came back a few minutes later and we continued to play.

Several minutes later, the smell of what could only be described as a gigantic pile of crap drifted into the area. I did my best to ignore it at first but it soon became overpowering.

It was Carrie who mentioned something about it first. "Do you smell that? What is that?"

I said, "It smells like a bathroom smell. Maybe some air freshener would fix it?"

She said, "No. It doesn't smell like that. I'm sure it's nothing." It totally smelled like that and it was becoming worse and worse, like it was circulating through the air vents.

After a few more minutes I couldn't take it anymore and I went into her bathroom myself to try and find air freshener to spray around. She had none. The whole apartment stank. It was everywhere and growing worse. And Carrie herself sat there like nothing at all was wrong.

I said to her, "It really stinks in here."

She smashed the Risk board off the table and said, "Then go back to your own damn house!"

I did. She wrote me an email the next day to tell me what a nasty and hurtful person I was and that she was awaiting my apology. Wait on, psycho.


  1. I think both were being party poopers.Carrie for not lighting a match or having air freshener on hand.It's hard to ignore a smelly smell that smells smelly.Op should not have to suffer the smell.And OP for poop shaming!The poor girl had no choice but to either hang her head in shame and cry or get mad.Psycho poopers and poop shamers don't mix.Smelly bathrooms stop sexy right in its tracks.

  2. I think Carrie shat on herself or didn't wipe well and was hoping op would ignore the smell if she did.

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  3. OP, I got you an educational pamphlet to peruse next time you need to take the Browns to the Super Bowl.

  4. OP, sometimes you have to stop being so aggressive at board games. I mean, look at the lengths she went through to get you out of her apartment when you weren't letting her win! And she couldn't even leave like you could! Land sakes!

  5. Ooool, that smell. Can't you smell that smell?

  6. Ah, the joys of youth. I remember back in the days when women would crap themselves just to get out of being on a date with me. But that was weeks ago..

    Maybe Carrie could hook up with Ian, if he ever comes back on the market.

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  8. I went out on a date with Carrie. When we she ordered a dessert, the waitress, and older, scrawny woman, visibly a fitness nut, asked her: "Are you sure, dear?" Carrie was not deterred from ordering the cheesecake, but she did comment on it to me when the waitress was gone. "Can you believe it?" she said. "That was super rude. It's none of her business." I nodded. She went on: "OK, I've never been a thin person, but I always thought I looked okay. I mean… Do I? It's the second comment I got within a week, so it makes me wonder."

    "I'm glad you asked," I said, "now we can clear this up once and for all." I took a deep breath, and continued.

    "Excess body weight, especially increased mass composed of fatty tissue, as opposed to, say, muscle, is widely considered to be unattractive. You strike me as someone who is interested in finding a romantic partner – something I inferred from your current dating activity; with Exhibit A being this romantic outing with yours truly.

    "Romantic relationships are often at least partially based on physical attraction, and we have already established above that your obesity does not exactly put you in a winning position vis-a-vis attracting a potential sexual and/or romantic partner.

    "Furthermore, I feel obliged to point out that, according to scientific consensus today, it is, in addition to exercising, indeed restricting calorie input, especially the input of calories derived from carbohydrates (the staple of most commercially available desserts, including yours tonight), that seems to be the best course of action if you are still optimistic enough to go for one desperate last-ditch attempt at an equally Herculean and Sisyphean (or shall I say Herculo-Sisyphean?) undertaking of an all but miraculous extreme makeover of your body, turning it from severely disfigured, gargantuan and bloated into average and inconspicuously near-passable."

    "Fuck you," says psycho bitch and walks out on me. The rudeness! I was still talking! I didn't even get to tell her that I apologised to the waitress on her behalf, and that while we were talking, I had quickly launched an online fundraising campaign collecting donations for her transformation project. ("Help Carrie who's too broke to beat her morbid obesity.")

    If only women were capable of seeing things rationally, they wouldn't have such huge problems trying to date decent men like myself.


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