No Promises in the Wind

Story Sent in by Alice:

I was out to dinner with first date Louis when he asked me, "What's your favorite fart?"

I thought I misheard. "My favorite what?"

He said, "It's a question I ask everybody. You can tell a lot based on how they answer."

I thought about it and said, "Uh... the kinds that are quiet and don't really smell."

Louis didn't reply immediately but I could tell I made him really happy with that answer. He couldn't contain a big smile and he ate his meal with renewed vigor.

I had to ask, "You didn't just fart, did you?"

He replied, "No! But no one's ever answered that question for real, before. They've always just ignored it or called me weird or whatever. You've made me so happy right now. We should go out again! When do you want to go out again? I'm free on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of next week. And I think the weekend. When are you free?"

I said, "I... I'll have to check my calendar."

"Do you have your calendar with you?"


"Okay. Check it and let me know!"

"I will!"

I didn't.


  1. How many times should I ask my dates their favorite farts before they decide to block my calls?And how many times will I get a second date before they have time to recall?And how many times will I find"the one" only to have her turn heels and run?The answer my friend is blowin in the wind,the answer is blowin in the wind...

  2. Fart compatibility is a very important factor in a relationship. Talking about farts openly improves communication greatly and helps find fulfilment and harmony. Talking about farts, what you like, what you don't like, what you would like to try or experiment can reduce possible frustrations that can arise in a couple. Having a partner capable of talking about farts in a mature and respectful manner is a very good thing. My wife and I talk regularly about our fart and after ten years of marriage, our relationship is only growing in strength.

    Your loss OP...

  3. Briana has banana-scented flatulence...

    1. Surprisingly, they're actually strawberry scented. My parents are filled with shame.

  4. let's talk about farts ba-by - let's talk about S-B-D's - let's talk about all the loud ones, and the stinkers - we let free - let's talk about farts

    1. You and Smiles need to get together and do a duet. I'm thinking:

      Now I, had, the time of my life.....and I owe it all to un-excreted poo....

    2. FTW Anomaly, seriously. Spectacular.

  5. I dunno, OP, if it only takes something as small as answering a question to make him happy, I think this might be your loss. Think about it: cooking, cleaning, sex, video games, remote privileges-- you don't have to do any of it! Just answer his slightly odd questions once in a while and you're fulfilling his vision of a perfect woman...

    1. I think it would get old though. He'd keep making you watch the same Monty Python clip over and over. You'd go to an antique store together and he won't stop calling your attention to the Dutch oven and giving you a wink every time he does. Life would become one big fart joke and that's no way to live.


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