Please Send That One In

Story Sent in by Paul:

I was out on a first date with Elaine and we were chatting pretty casually. We talked about dating itself and she spilled this bombshell: "I went on a date with Lucifer last month. As in, the devil himself."

"It was that bad?" I asked with a grin.

She said, "I mean it was an actual date with the actual devil. Like from hell."

Playing along, I said, "Was it a hot meal, at least?"

She shuddered. "Don't joke. I barely escaped with my soul intact. He was the handsomest guy I've ever seen and it wasn't until about an hour into it that I realized who he really was."

"Christian Grey?"

"He made fire appear in his hand and it didn't burn him. Then he got even more attractive and asked me if I wanted to 'join' him at his 'home.' I knew what that meant and I turned him down flat."

I said, "That's quite a story. What drugs were you on?"

"I wasn't on anything! He was the actual devil and I barely escaped! I mean, I'm seriously worried that my soul is somehow marked or something."

I said, "He'll never give up. Once he wants something, he always gets it."

She grew pretty wide-eyed nervous at that but said nothing. I pointed to an item in the menu. "Their pasta is excellent, here. They make their own sauce."

She didn't speak too much for the rest of dinner and I was only too happy to let this one go.


(I thought about titling this one, "Drop Her Like She's Hot," but I stand by my decision. -JMG)


  1. "He'll never give up. Once he wants something, he always gets it."
    "You know he can even change how he looks. Like he could give himself brown hair, kind of like mine. Also make himself taller. You know, I'm pretty tall. Hey, did I ever tell you I do fire magic? Here, let me show you a trick..."

    *Elaine shaped hole appears in the wall*

  2. Wow, is the dating pool so rough that even Lucifer can't get laid?? Devil FAIL!

  3. Days since story contains misplaced comma: 0

    1. You know what else I find to be a Jaredism? It seems whenever talking about a place that serves food, someone invariably says "The restaurant makes its own [blank] here!"

    2. This website makes its own grammar here.

  4. Well, if Lucifer looked like he does on the TV show "Lucifer," I wouldn't mind going out with him. Luckily he only punishes people who deserve it.

  5. Tomorrow's story will be about this guy who is part time children party entertainer and magician and how his date freaked out when he pretended to light his hand on fire, to never call him again...


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