Do Those Legs Go All the Way 7UP?

Story Sent in by Todd:

There's a pretty outdoor mall not far from my apartment. On one of the first nice spring days of the year, I took Louise there to walk around, grab a bite to eat, and maybe catch a movie.

Throughout the mall, there were shrub-lined sidewalks. Louise and I made our way down one in no particular hurry when she suddenly stopped and stared across the mall.

"Is that a Claire's?" she asked.

It was, a bit of a walk away. But that didn't stop Louise. She bellowed, "Claire's!" like a battle cry and ran for it away from the sidewalk and into the bushes, I suppose trying to find a shortcut.

She didn't make it far before she tripped up and sank to the ground. I caught up with her and found her rubbing her ankles. "I scratched my legs," she said, "Ow!"

She moaned and groaned for a little while and she finally wobbled up but nearly collapsed again. I held her steady and she said, "I need you to carry me."

"Is it that bad? Maybe I should take you to a hospital."

"No! Claire's. I just really wanted to go."

I laughed. "I'm not carrying you to Claire's."

"You wouldn't do that for me?"

I repeated, "If your legs are so injured that you can't even walk, I think you need paramedics or something."

"Okay. Put me down for a sec."

I did. She then said, "Could you go grab me a soda? Anything. Maybe it's just low blood sugar or something."

I jogged to the food court, grabbed her a small 7UP, and returned to where the tragedy had occurred. She was gone. I looked around for her and even called her phone. No luck either way, so I drank the 7UP, didn't visit Claire's, and went on about my day.


  1. People that "test" others to see how they'd stack up to unrealistic and often bizarre standards are the reason I signed up to move to mars. I wonder if my date would carry me there.

  2. I can't imagine why anyone would want to go to Claire's. We're talking about the shop with cheap jewelry that pierces with a gun, right? Definitely not worth getting scratched over.

  3. As a diabetic, I can confirm that low blood sugar makes your legs get scratched.

  4. She clearly wanted to recreate the iconic scene from An Officer and a Gentleman. Except, this time, she's carried to Claire's...

  5. I had my ears pierced at Claire's when I was nine.I was horrified to find out years later that those piercing guns are unsanitary, from, of all people, the piercer at my local tattoo parlor. I'm damn lucky I listened to those explicit cleaning instructions.


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