Aghast from the Past

Story Sent in by Carina:

When I was out with Ralph he gave me a surprising compliment: "You remind me of a girl I knew in kindergarten. She left my school in first grade and I never saw her again. Vanessa. I had a huge crush on her."

I laughed. "Aww! That's so sweet."

He said, "Yeah..." then took out his phone right there at the table and furiously tapped away at it.

After a minute had gone by I asked him, "Everything okay?"

He said, "Yeah. Just seeing if I can find Vanessa. Would love to reconnect with her."

And that's how it was for most of the rest of our "date." Ralph looked up everything he could, commenting as he went along: "Now let's see... any mutual friends? Maybe she has a Twitter... is this her? It's been years." He spoke to himself, but I was content to be forgotten.

"Try Bing," I suggested at one point. He didn't reply, but maybe Bing had the answers that Google lacked. Whatever. Didn't matter to me. He paid for our dinners, which was nice, and I bid him a hasty goodnight once I was done.

It was at that moment that he remembered I existed and he said, "Cool! Yeah. Sorry about that. I just fixate on things, you know how that goes."

"I do," I lied.

I hope he found his Vanessa. Either way, he never reached out to me again.


  1. Wow, OP, you must suck if you can't compete with a 5-year-old girl.

    Actually, if he only remembered her at that age and immediately wanted to hook up with her....*shudder* Never mind, what a creeper. You dodged a bullet. A creepy, creepy, possibly serving 20 years in state prison bullet.

  2. I don't understand dudes like this... why not smush the chick in front of you, since she obviously is good enough to remind you of this other girl you liked... THEN google-stalk your toddler-crush?

    An older co-worker gave me this sage advice once: Don't RUN down the hill to smush ONE... WALK down the hill, and smush them ALL.

    1. Smush... a new term for me. I'm always learning new things on this strange data machine. Do you have a working definition? I'd be interested in integrating it into my daily vocabulary.

      Also, I'm curious how often he gets fixated on things. Should I take this left turn? Hold on, I gotta google, facebook, and yahoo answer it. Did I turn the oven off before I left? What would my horoscope and MySpace tell me? Did aliens really visit us in ancient times? I wonder if it's late enough for star readings.

    2. For the definition of "Smush" see: Any episode of Jersey Shore.

    3. That's a line from the movie "Colors". Robert Duvall's character says it to Sean Penn. Of course he didn't use the word "smush". Perhaps it was an expression before that.

  3. I'ma smush Briana at some point in the future... The smushings will be plentiful.

    1. I feel at once aroused and threatened.

  4. It's funny she wrote that she lied in her reply, because she was certainly fixated on getting that dinner.

  5. I'd be like yea my real name is vanessa I came just to reconnect w you. Sikeee


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