Which School Is This?

Story Sent in by Norman:

When I read Valerie's profile, it seemed like she had a lot to say but it wasn't clear what she did for a living. I asked her in a couple of my intro emails and the best answer she gave me was, "This and that."

I was still unclear on what she did for work up until our first date. We sat down to a nice dinner and it was one of my first questions.

She replied, "Oh, this and that."

"So you're unemployed?" I realize it might have been the wrong thing to say, but I was tired of being purposefully kept in the dark. Like it or not, what you do for income is kind of important. Even if she was a secret agent and was sworn to secrecy, all she had to say was, "I work for the government," and I would've dropped it. But her evasiveness only made me more curious.

She said, "No. I work the equivalent of seven full-time jobs."

"Are you a surgeon?" Nothing like a guessing game. Just tell me, damn it.

"I'm a teacher."

"At seven schools?"

"Just one."

"How is that like seven full-time jobs?"

She laughed. "If you were a teacher, you'd understand. Teaching second graders is the most difficult job in the world. Ungrateful little morons."

Sticking up for my second-grade brethren, I said, "Well, they're in second grade after all."

"Old enough to do long division. Old enough to read. Old enough to make me want to throw them all out the window seven times a day. I actually fantasize about doing it, daily. And imagining their parents. And laughing in their faces. That's what I mean when I say I feel like I have seven full-time jobs."

"So your hypothetical seven jobs are throwing kids out the window seven times a day?"

She laughed again. High pitched and creepy. "I wish! But it exhausts me to talk about them. Tell me about your job."

I drive a bus for my city. Not nearly as stressful or hypothetical-homicide-inducing, so it seemed. The rest of the date was pretty normal, but imagining this woman around kids just rubbed me the very wrong way.

We actually kept up a short email correspondence for about a week and a half after the date. I didn't ask her out again but I'd send her messages with something funny I saw online or just make small talk.

One day, just to make sure I was making the right call by not asking her out again, I queried her on her day at school.

"I HATE THEM ALL!!!" she wrote back among a few other expletives. I didn't reply.


  1. I'm not saying her attitude towards children is right. I'm just saying, I understand.

  2. Jesus Christ, if you hate your job so much then look for another. Bitching about your job doesn't fix anything and just makes the people around you miserable.

    Someone should call that lady's school and let them know she's homicidal.

  3. You sound fairly desperate."I hate the kids I teach and fantasize about hurting them every day" is a deal breaker for some people.


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