I Will Possess Your Foot

Story Sent in by Joan:

When I was in college I met up with Jeffrey for our first date at a muddy crafts fair. He was a bit older than I was, but he seemed nice and normal. He was laughing when I first approached him. He said, "I can't believe it: I split the soles from both of my shoes."

Sure enough, the rubber had indeed split apart from both of his sneakers. I asked him, "How'd you do that?"

He said, "The mud, it just must've seeped in and taken them out. You don't have a spare pair of shoes, do you?"

I did, in my car. But my feet were definitely much smaller than his, and I told him exactly that.

"It's okay," he told me, "It'll be better than walking around barefoot in the mud."

We went to my car, I gave him a pair of flats, and as I predicted, they barely fit him at all. But he made the best of it and for the most part, we had a nice time for the rest of the date.

When the time came to part, we returned to the parking lot and I asked him, "How do you want to do this?" regarding the return of my shoes.

He said, "I have some plastic bags in my car. I can put them on my feet and bring your shoes back to you. Wait here."

He left for his car and after nearly a half-hour of me waiting, calling him, texting him, and waiting some more, it was pretty clear that he wasn't coming back. The shoes were old and well-worn, and although they were comfortable, I could afford to part with them.

But I didn't want to just let them go. He had essentially stolen them, after all. I wrote him an email to ask him when he was planning to return my footwear.

He wrote back, "Soon. It's the next best thing to having your actual feet here."

Uh... keep the shoes. Really. I mean it.


  1. I really don't see anything wrong with this guy's behavior, OP. He just borrowed your shoes to return at a later date in a gently used condition. Maybe he just didn't fully explain his interests to you? Then you could have shut him down pretty quick.

  2. NO HOTLINKING! Naughty Architect.

    Pretty sure you should disclose your fetish before stealing someone's shoes.

    Serve him up with papers for small claims. I'll bet he pays for the shoes before he has to go to court and explain why he took them.

  3. He probably got his split shoes from a previous date. His fetish might be for never buying shoes.

  4. *chuckle* I guess you two weren't soul mates ;-)


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