Porch Songs

Story Sent in by Christopher:

After chatting online for a little while, the first time I met Tianna in person was at a coffee place. We had a good talk and she even hugged me goodbye. I felt pretty confident asking her out for a proper date. After some back and forth about what to do, it was agreed that I'd pick her up at her house and we'd go to a nearby amusement park.

When I arrived at her house and rang the doorbell, I heard her calling my name. I backed up to the front walk and saw her in a second-story window. She asked me to go around the back, which I did.

On the back porch, a kid, maybe 12 or so, sat in a chair playing checkers against... nobody. He was just sitting there making both sides' moves. I wasn't aware that a kid was also living at Tianna's place, although I knew that she shared the house with a friend, so this was likely the friend's kid or little brother or whatever.

"Hey," I said to the kid.

"F*ck you," the kid said in response.

I hadn't expected that. I asked, "Did I do something to upset you?"

The kid said, "F*ck you, f*ck-head."

Deciding to ignore this ornery child, I knocked on Tianna's back door. The kid yelled, "Stop knocking!" and I knocked again just to make him madder.

Tianna finally came down and she said, "Have you met Adam?"

I said, "Yeah. He's a little brat."

Adam jumped off his chair and yelled at me, "F*ck you! F*ck you! F*ck you!"

Tianna said, "Adam, come here!" and for a moment I thought she was going to reprimand him, but instead she hugged him close and guided him inside.

She then turned to me and said, "He has social difficulties, and the last thing he needs is someone calling him a 'brat!' Are you a monster?"

I said, "How was I supposed to know? I come up here and this random kid tells me off. Maybe he wouldn't have social difficulties if he wasn't hugged every time he said something nasty."

Tianna gave me an awful look then said, "You need to leave."

"Are you kidding me?"

"You need to leave."

"Maybe I have social difficulties, too. Aren't you going to hug me?"


I left that stupid girl and bratty little Adam. They deserved each other.


  1. Wow. Regardless of the behavioral issues of the child, or the fact that he is rewarded for his bad behavior, there is no excuse for your own bad behavior. What a role model (and an ass) you are for calling him a brat!

  2. Ahh, another future problem for the police being raised just right. Good job for calling it like it was OP.

  3. Probably not the first thing you should've said to her, no. Just saying, "Yeah, he's just been yelling 'fuck you!' at me," would've been a lot better. Maybe he has Tourette's. You don't know, so factual is better than interpreting it as "bratty" (which anyway doesn't actually describe this as far as I can tell). I suspect you have a few of your own social difficulties.. but yeah, bad date.

  4. The genteel lady who evidently taught her son the salute, always sends her potential dates out back to pass the "Fuck you!" test. He failed - lucky man.

  5. I have to agree with others. "Brat" is not a word the OP should have used right away. Saying "yeah, he's just been yelling 'fuck you' at me" would have been sufficient, factual, and classier.


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