Can I Order You by Mail?

Email Sent in by Patty-Anne:


Hello I am Derek. YOu seem like nice lady. Tell me how old you are? Love your photos. Nice pretty lady.

For breakfast I will have two eggs and rashers. For lunch some pasta maybe or turkey/chicken. At dinner you can make me whatever you want except for something I had for earlier that day. I like sheets changed twice a week but you can do it more if you want. I like being woken up when I say to be woken up only. I will let you know the night before but if I forget then just best to let me sleep unless I have something important in the morning.

You can take a day off each month as long as you tell me which day and month in advance and you do not go to any other guy in that time.

These are the basics. You can ask me more if you want to know.



  1. I personally would have had so much fun trolling this guy...

  2. Hey look, a summary of a Relationship Agreement! Just contact him for the full version in .pdf - this will include chapters on appropriate behavior. Choice selections you should know in advance are:
    - What time you may use the lavatory, as he has designated times for bowel movements (also on Twitter!)
    - A schedule for coitus
    - Which condiments are the Correct Condiments.

  3. - His wardrobe (free tee shirts sponsored by beer companies) must be organized alphabetically.
    -Mr. Mittens likes his litter box emptied promptly at 3AM. Hand scooping is a must for that personal touch.

    They made a movie about this guy.

  4. Is he aware he posted this on a dating site and not an employment site? How much does this job pay? Benefits?

    1. Oh, you'll LOVE the "benefits".

    2. Yeah, I'm gonna need to know the salary before any benefits are negotiated.


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