The Less-Than-Constant Gardener

Story Sent in by Kay:

Bill took me out to dinner. He insisted on paying for everything. He then said, "I need you to do me a favor. It'll go faster with two."

I followed him in my car to a house. It had a slightly overgrown front yard and tangled shrubs. He led me to a shed in the backyard, pulled out hedge clippers and an old, old rotating-blade lawn mower and said, "I have to do my mother's lawn."

"Now?" I asked, "At eight o'clock at night?"

He said, "She won't hear us. And we're not using the electrical cutters, so we won't bother her or the neighbors. But we have to do it now. Two are faster than one. Come on."

"But why are we doing it now? At this hour?"

He said, "That's just the way she is. Come on. We'll be done in a half-hour, tops."

I went to work on the bushes and he drove the old mower over the lawn like a madman, leaving the clippings where they fell.

We were done after about 20 minutes and it looked halfway decent. He replaced the tools in the shed and we were on our way back to the cars when I said, "I hope your mother's happy with the job we did."

He shrugged and said, "Her head is full of stool." He then gave me a one-armed hug, said, "Thanks," and drove away. Didn't hear from him again.


  1. So......his mom was a shithead?

  2. Day Laborers aren't usually still hanging around Home Depot at 8pm, so the next best thing is to go on a date when you need to get some grunt work done.

    And I can't fault OP for not leaving right away, she's got a sense of adventure! Think of the stories she'll be able to tell - "I really had to trim the hedges for this date last night, you know what I mean?"


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