...But According to Her, You're Still Dating

Story Sent in by Martin:

I took Paula out to a nice place to eat and we had a decent talk. The whole time, though, she seemed distracted by something. I asked her if everything was okay.

She said, "Not really. See I'm kinda already seeing a guy."

Wow. Nothing like that to quench the spark. I asked her, "Then why are you out on a date with me?"

She said, "It's just a phase he's going through. He has it real good with me. I guess he just needs some time."

I began to understand. "So you're on a... break?"

She said, "That's what I'm calling it, anyway."

"For how long?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Three and a half years."

Did I hear that correctly? "That's a long break," I said.

She sighed as if she had been awake for each minute of those three and a half years. "I've been through more than most people who've lived entire lifetimes. And the kicker is, he actually got married last year."

"Hmm. So not so much a 'break' and more of a 'break-up.'"

She said, "Whatever. He'll come to his senses eventually. I just wanted to be honest with you."


She hummed a happy tune to herself, then we had a relatively pleasant time for the rest of dinner. There was no second date.


  1. This crazy lady sounds just like Lorna Morello from Orange is the New Black. Getting all moist and going knuckle-deep in her ham wallet whilst thinking about the man of her dreams...who is completely over her and married to someone else.

  2. And Paula went on the date Chunky Horse...before he left a bloody note carved into her back stating he needed a break.

  3. Uh, I hate to break it to ya, but after three years...he ain't coming back.

  4. He will totally come to his senses any day now. You just hang in there Paula!

  5. I also sense Paula was nagged into going on a date by her friends.


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