Meaty Fate

(Episode one of my new dark comedy web series, Below the Belt is five minutes. You just might love it. -JMG)

Story Sent in by Christopher:

I was at a playground at night on my first date with Bea (we wanted to go on the swings) when she asked, "Are you an arsonist?"

I'm not, nor have I ever been one. It was a question that came out of left field. I told her, "Not that I'm aware of."

"Good," she said, "I don't date guys like that. And you haven't killed anybody?"

"I don't think so. Have you dated many killers and arsonists?"

She sighed and nodded her head. "Too many."

She was deadpan but I took it for a joke and said, "I know how you feel. My last girlfriend was a cannibal grave robber."

She stopped swinging at once and said, "That's a brilliant idea! Come with me?"

Bea didn't wait for a response and took off at a fast walk. I jumped off my swing and followed her through the park and towards town. "Where are we going?" I asked her.

"You'll see."

I followed her to a McDonald's. She strode up to the counter and asked, "Do you serve person-meat?"

The cashier said, "As in, meat made of people? Uh... no."

Bea asked, "Know of anyone around here who does?"

"Uh... no."

Bea turned to me and said, "Well, that's a disappointment. Want to come with me to the graveyard, then?"

I followed Bea to a nearby graveyard. She knelt near one of the graves and tore up the grass around it. "Person-meat must be around here somewhere," she said, "Come on. Help me out."

"Do you want to grab some actual dinner?" I asked her.

She said, "I'm grabbing us some actual dinner right now. Come on. Help me out."

I left her to her thing. I wonder if she even noticed that I took off.


  1. Whoa! Way to dodge a bullet, OP. Lady was empress of Crazytown

  2. She craved some man-meat and you let her go ?

  3. "Hey, I know this great place over on 5th. You're just gonna love it!"


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