But Would You Do It for a Screamy Snack?

Story Sent in by Celeste:

Gerald asked me out on a first date for lunch. As we had met online, we talked a little about online dating. He confessed to me that he was also dating a couple other people from the site and he asked if I was okay with that.

I was (at least while you're getting to know someone), and I asked him if he'd be okay if I was dating someone else at the same time, which I also was. He said that was fine. So all seemed well.

After the conversation had turned to different topics (but before we ordered anything), he said, "I dated someone once who insisted on our first date that I stop dating everyone else."

"That's pretty presumptuous of her," I said.

He went on, "I'll put it this way: when I was open and honest with her about seeing other people, she said," and then he screamed so loudly that it made passersby on the sidewalk jump, 30 feet away.

And it wasn't a quick scream, either! He had taken a deep breath right before, so the scream kept up for several seconds. When he was done he looked like he was about to cry.

I didn't have a chance to say anything, because a waitress came right over to us and said, "Sir, you'll have to leave. Like now."

He sighed and stood up. I remained seated, likely because I was still in some sort of shock. He asked me, "You coming?"

I stayed where I was, really because I didn't know what to do. Was I also kicked out? Did he realize how truly terrifying he was? Was the waitress going to start yelling if I didn't also leave?

Before I could do anything, he turned and left. The waitress turned to me but didn't say anything and then she left, herself. I have no idea if the other patrons were looking at me because my eyes were turned down and my face was becoming hotter and hotter.

I don't remember how long I waited, but eventually I left without a word. And while I still did simultaneous online dating afterward, I wouldn't go out with Gerald again if he screamed a million dollars at me.


  1. Wait, I think I've seen this guy before. Did he look like this?

    "I wouldn't go out with Gerald again if he screamed a million dollars at me."
    What does that even mean?

  2. Was she on a date with Sam Kinison?

  3. @ JMG - Yeah, I'm way behind on my album purchases from their record label: Hard Hustla Muzik.


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