Bang Bang, She Shot Me Down

Story Sent in by Andre:

I was picnicking with Micaela and we lay beside each other on a blanket, watching the clouds in a park. I pointed to one and said, "That one looks like a stubby starfish."

She pointed to one and said, "That one looks like a submarine."

I pointed to another and said, "That one looks like a caterpillar. Or a school bus."

She pointed to another and said, "That one looks like a mountain."

I pointed to yet another and said, "That one looks like a gun."

She didn't say anything for a little bit, then said, "A gun?"

I said, "Yeah. There's the barrel and there's the handle. Maybe not so much a gun and more a weird letter L."

It took me a few moments to realize that she was sobbing. I turned to her and asked her what was wrong.

She said, "Why are guys so into guns? It's all they ever talk about!"

I reminded her that this was the first time in our entire first date (or ever) that I had mentioned guns to her. She said, "With all the gun violence in our country, you'd think you'd be more sensitive! People die because of people like you!" She cried a bit more, and I recommended that we call it a day. We packed up and went our separate ways. She just wouldn't stop crying, and I was tired of her.


  1. Yes, statistics show that people who mention the existence of guns once on a first date are quite likely to spontaneously explode in a crowd of people killing everyone around them. You should feel horrible about yourself OP.

  2. You dodged a bullet on that one.

  3. Well, she might have had a recent loss by gun violence. That would account for her tears. But she should have explained that she recently experienced something like that. If this was just a general boo hoo over guns, sister needs to toughen up a bit.

  4. People drown in bathtubs, too. Does she go into a crying fit every time she takes a bath?


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