Why's the Wood Discolored Here?

(Written? Awesome. How to make it better? Click here for eight story fixes on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Joseph:

After three dates with Catherine, it was pretty clear that we were ready for sex by date four. If the flirty texts and voice calls weren't evidence enough, she also said, "Bring a condom or 10 to my place this Saturday."

That Saturday, I brought over 10 condoms (you never really know) and we commenced messing around in a chair in her living room.

About this chair, it was wood, un-cushioned, and not terribly comfortable. Its back went almost straight up and it was pretty small. A good place to start fooling around maybe, but certainly not the best place to continue with it and conclude it.

After a minute or two of making out, I gently moved her off of myself and stood up.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Let's relocate to the bedroom."

She shook her head. "I'm good here." She shoved me back down on the chair and climbed atop me again.

I did my best, but the chair was really uncomfortable. I asked her, "Maybe we can move off the chair?"

She said, "We have to do it in the chair. It's the only place I've ever done it, the only place I ever will."

"You've never done it elsewhere?" I asked.

"No. It's the chair or nothing. Choose."

I hesitated. I wasn't sure if she was kidding or if it was really some weird personal tradition. Before more than a few seconds had passed, she hopped off of me, straightened her clothes, and said, "The door's there. Bye."

I didn't need any of those condoms, after all.


  1. Doesn't look like you actually explained the chair was really uncomfortable, as opposed to not caring about her weird personal traditions. But maybe it's as well that you didn't. Because she is both odd in a bad way and rather rude.

  2. Only on that chair, ever? So no nookie back at your place, on the rooftop, in the elevator, at a hotel on vacation, in the bathroom at the bar, in the park, underwater, aboard the space shuttle, or any of the other hundreds of places that people like to have sex, unless she lugs that chair around with her? Yeah, no thanks. I used to think that the most boring sex was with those gals that only ever wanted to do it in their own bed, under the covers, with all the nights turned out, but now I see that there is worse.

  3. I personally think that where she lost her virginity and it been a tradition with her so she can relive the moment with the guy she lost it too.

  4. Next time, try to break up with the girl about 30 minutes later.

  5. Personal boundaries deserve to be respected. That's where she is comfortable being intimate.


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