The Walking Fled

(Your first draft's done. Where to from there? Click here to learn eight story fixes on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Hector:

On our first date, Rose and I were at a local fair and after walking around for a while, we decided it was time for lunch. There was a great cafe about a mile walk, across a park field and down a couple of roads. When I asked her if she wanted to go, she said she did.

As I started leading us toward the place, she asked, "What are you doing?"

I said, "I'm walking us to lunch."

"Walking?" she asked, "No. I don't do walking. Our cars are right here. We're driving."

I said, "It's only about a mile. It's a beautiful day out. You seriously don't want to walk?"

"Want to see what happens when I walk?" she asked, She took a few steps, then her hand went to her forehead and she collapsed into the grass, as if she had fainted. Never mind that we had spent the past hour and a half walking around the fair. The idea of walking to lunch was evidently too much for her to handle.

As she was sprawled on the ground, I told her, "Fine. Let's drive." But she didn't budge. I crouched down and shook her gently. "Come on. You win. We'll drive over."

She still didn't move. I tickled her and then she moved. "Come on," I said again, "Let's go."

She wobbled to her feet dramatically, took a couple of steps, then her hand went to her forehead and she fell down again. Once more, I roused her with a tickle and once more she took a couple halting steps toward the parking area before falling down a third time.

This last time, I kept going back toward my car. I figured she'd pick up the hint and follow behind me. Only she didn't. She lay there as I returned to my car and turned it on. She lay there as I drove to the cafe for lunch. For all I know, she might have lain there as I arrived at the cafe and treated myself to lunch.

For all I know, she still lies there as a warning to overdramatic numbskulls.


  1. Maybe she thought you were going for cheesecake?

  2. If I had just walked around a fair I'm not sure I'd want to walk an additional mile to a restaurant, either--especially since you'd have to walk *back* with a full stomach. I wouldn't have been so dramatic about it, though.

    1. Seriously. She could have just said she was tired from walking around all day an would rather drive.

      I've walked around my State Fair all day and when I leave, the walk to the car seems like a long trek.


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