8/07/2012

Must've Been Some Killer Cheesecake

Story Sent in by Tony:

This happened to me towards the end of my senior year in high school. I was out with Sondra on a first date, and after taking her out to dinner, I asked her if she wanted to go to a nearby bakery to have some dessert.

"No," she said.

I, however, had my eyes on a slice of cheesecake since we passed by the store windows on a walk earlier in the evening. Walking in the bakery's direction, I asked, "Then would you mind if I ran in to grab a slice of cheesecake?"

She said, "You do that, and I'll lie down, dead."

Without waiting for a response from me, she lay down on the sidewalk, made a contorted face, and went still.

"Ha, ha. Okay. Stand up," I said. She remained there. "Come on," I cajoled, "Let's go."

A middle-aged guy walked by and asked, "What's wrong?"

I replied, "Nothing. She just... does this sometimes. She's fine."

The guy took my word for it and continued on. I leaned over Sondra and tugged at her arm. It flopped around, for all purposes as if she was dead. "Sondra, come on. Please."

She closed her eyes, but otherwise remained still. I lost more patience. "Come on," I said, "Let's go. Right now."

She made no movement. I said, "Fine! Be dead!" and stormed off, towards the bakery.

I swung by the place of her "death" once I had my to-go slice. She was actually still there. I took a few steps toward her, then thought better of it and went back to my car.

When I drove past the block where she had "died," on my way out of town, I noticed that she still lay there.

When I saw her in school, the following Monday, she actually lay down on the floor, right in the hall, and feigned death again. For the remainder of the two weeks of classes, she did exactly that, no matter where I encountered her, and wouldn't move, apparently, until I had left the vicinity.

I did manage to have some fun with it. On a particularly hot day, I encountered her outside the school's front doors (among a group of friends) and she lay down on the sidewalk, which was likely warm enough to cook an egg. I made conversation with some of her friends, pretending to take no notice of her.

Finally, she said, "Ow, damn it," and shifted her body to a nearby, grassy area, where she proceeded to "die" once more. I've never seen her since high school graduation, but to this day, I wonder if she'd play dead, just out of habit, if she saw me again.

3 comments:

  1. Friend her on Facebook. See if she deletes her profile in retaliation.

    ReplyDelete
  2. She must really hate cheesecake.

    ReplyDelete

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