Little Children

Story Sent in by Mary:

Going into the date, I knew that Joshua had once been married and had two young kids. What I wasn't ready for was how cards-on-the-table he would be. We sat down to lunch and he said, "First thing you need to know about me: I'm in massive debt."

A red light blazed on in my head. Still, I had to be polite. I asked him, "How did that happen?"

He said, "It's my lawyer's fault. And my ex-wife. And my stupid goddamn kids!"

Gosh. What awful people they must have all been. I asked him, "They bankrupted you?"

"Pretty much. Never get married, Mary. You'll lose everything."

I thought for a moment, then said, "But it sounds like your lawyer, wife, and stupid goddamn kids made out like bandits because you were married. If anything, they won big. You were the only one who lost."

"My kids lost, too," he said, "The little bastards are growing up without their dad. I'd call that a loss for them."

"But they have their dad's money," I playfully provoked him, "So that's something."

"Money can't buy a dad," he instructed me, "I'm worth more than any money that those little goddamn pricks took. They don't even look like me. They have their mother's face, and now those ugly little goons will spend it on Nintendos and electric scooters and drag racing and whatever else."

"Kids love drag racing," I agreed.

When the check came, he kicked in a whole five dollars. His part of the meal was closer to $15, but I was happy to pay it if it meant that I wouldn't be seeing him ever again.


  1. Nice job OP! Wouldn't have paid for the goddamn prick's meal, but still.

    Also, yeah they do!

  2. Still a little bitter, are we?

  3. Sort of reminds me of a story I heard. A woman was going through a divorce and when her friend asked how she picked her attorney she said she listened to her male co-workers and one of them said his ex-wife's attorney cleaned him out, she picked his ex's attorney.


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