Wit and Twit

Story Sent in by Ressie:

Before we met, I had exchanged online messages with Chris in which I mentioned that I was a vegetarian. He never commented on it and otherwise came off as nice and polite, albeit a man of few words.

While out to lunch on my first date with him, he torpedoed things with, "You remind me of my ex."

I asked, "She was also smart, beautiful, and witty?"

He said, "She turned into a vegetarian while we were together and starting at that point, she got stupider and stupider as time went on. You need meat to make you smart. What are you made of? Meat! That's what."

"Elephants are vegetarians. What do you think they're made of?"

"Elephant. But they're not smart. Do you see them building buildings or making flu vaccines?"

I nodded. "Maybe because they're smart enough to know that they don't need to. Humans do a lot of things that they don't need to do. So who's really smarter?"

He made a face and said, "People. There's no need to get all high and mighty and bitchy about it. My ex got more and more like that too, as time went on."

"Did you break up with her or did she break up with you?"

"She broke up with me."

"Then as time went on, it sounds like she actually became smarter."

He said, "This blows. I'm outta here." He threw a few bills on the table (barely covering his meal, which he had wolfed down in seconds when it had arrived) and just left me there. I was miffed that I had to cover the entire tip, but grateful that he was out of my life.


  1. At least he got you that nice dress as a parting gift!

  2. I like how he justified anti-vegetarian with cannibalism.

    "You need meat to be smart." "What are we made of? MEAT!"

  3. If you had to pay a few dollars for his tip, and never saw him again, it was money well-spent.

  4. Wait, so, elephants are smart because they don't make flu vaccines?

    Oh if only we could have the wisdom of the elephants, who understand that we don't actually need save each other from suffering and death.


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