The Finest Flanks in the Land

Story Sent in by Robert:

I have a dog. Alicia also had a dog. We met online and decided to meet and walk our respective dogs.

Alicia's dog was a larger mixed breed who loved nothing more than mounting my poor beagle. When Alicia and I tried to stop the coupling, her dog growled at us, then tore loose and took off. Alicia ran after him (his name was "Walrus." I didn't have a chance to ask her why) and my dog and I followed her.

Alicia ultimately found Walrus excitedly sniffing around and attempting to hump some children. She recovered him, then turned to me and said, "I think this date is over."

I'll admit that losing your dog is one of the most frightening things a person can ever experience. That said, Walrus was recovered safe and sound and I wasn't sure what had brought about a sudden tone shift. She said, "Your dog turns Walrus on too much. Walrus is only like this when he's really horny. I have to go."

For clarification purposes, I asked, "So my dog's too sexy?"

"For Walrus," she said. Thanks. That clears things up. Then she added, "Maybe you should think twice, next time."

I'll be sure to find a less sexy dog, yep. So that was it. Neither of us contacted the other for a second attempt.


  1. "Now I have to go home and manually relieve him. Thanks a lot!"

  2. ^^ @TheArchitect - you're definitely onto something here!

  3. Maybe she should think at least once about getting her dog fixed. Although some dogs will do it out of dominance, she said he was "horny" so I am assuming this idiot hasn't had him neutered. He is a mixed breed, so there is no reason to not get it done. IMJ


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