"I Hate Line Dancing"

(A story's beginning is the promise of its ending. Click here to find out why on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Phil:

A little time spent on a dating site convinced me that my time would be better spent doing anything but. Case in point was Christy. She made it through the first round of emails and we met at a fun place for dinner. The plan was to go to a line dance afterward.

While at dinner, she told me, "I have a secret."

"What is it?"

She shook her head. "If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret."

"Okay. Will you eventually tell me?"

"Probably not. It's a secret."

I wasn't sure what kind of game she was playing, but I resigned myself to the fact that I'd never learn her stupid little secret.

When dinner was over she said, "I still have a secret."

"Feel like telling me what it is?"

"No. It's a secret."


After dinner, on our way out, again with, "I have a secret! Ask me what it is!"

"What is it?"

"It's a secret! I can't tell you!"

On our way to the line dance, she did the same thing twice more. It was really on my nerves. She turned out to be a good dancer, but at almost every opportunity, she whispered, "I have a secret! I have a secret!"

Finally I shouted, "What's your secret? Tell me or shut up about it!"

She said, "I'm not telling you, so you're the one who can shut up!"

I excused myself to "use the bathroom" but I left her there. The stupid waste of time that she was.


  1. I have a non secret because it's an opinion. This date does not seem traumatizing enough for you to stop going on dating sites. And it must be your most interesting one since you chose it to submit to this site. So me thinks the op doth protest too much.

  2. If I were in the OP's shoes, I would start making stupid/weird/offensive guesses at what her secret was, just to see her reaction. You already have a boyfriend? You used to be a man? You're a part of the Nazi party!

    Come on guys, lets get creative!

  3. "You're wanted for murdering your last date?"

    "You didn't used to be a man, you still are one!"

    "You picked my pockets and I won't find out until I get home?"

  4. I like the way you guys think.

  5. "I have a stuffed animal operating room in my basement that I want to show you!"

    "I gave a guy a blowjob for a ride back to town once. It was pretty okay."

    "My favorite hobby is getting men to buy me five hundred dollar hats."

  6. "I let this guy have sex with me on a pile of trash while his twin watched. Twice."

    "I saw Chunky Horse late one night on HBO"

    "I did my own personal Dallas 500 gang bang right before this date, the results of which have been running down my leg for the entire evening."


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