Gut Was That?

(A story's beginning is the promise of its ending. Click here to find out why on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Julia:

I like big guys. Norman had a beer gut. I hoped it would be a good match. When we met in person he swept me up in a giant bear hug. When he set me down he said, "Close your eyes."

I did. The next thing I knew, there was a gigantic shove and I smashed back onto the sidewalk, nearly cracking my head!

Norman laughed and said, "I gut-shoved you!" He laughed, then extended his hand to help me up. I found my footing and then he did it again! It was like being smacked with a beach ball full of bricks. This second time I didn't fall down, but I nearly did.

"Please don't do that again!" I said.

He laughed and said, "Oh, it's coming again. When you least suspect it!"

I remained vigilant for the rest of lunch and the short while we spent together afterward. I couldn't really enjoy my time with him and we never went out again.


  1. So is there really such enormous pressure to see a date through to the end, rather than saying "F- you!"?

  2. He attacked you, then warned you that more was to come and you stay to the end. Can we say self-esteem.

  3. First off, op you are a moron, I never close my eyes on date, unless it to blink, but even if someone were to tell me to I don't close my eyes. Second, he could have taken your purse filled with your money and smart phone.

  4. See, the health hazards of having a beer gut are numerous and diverse.

  5. "I remained vigilant for the rest of lunch and the short while we spent together afterward."

    You stayed on the flippin' date?!?!?!

    How big a red flag does it take to get you to walk out? Does he have to stab you and leave you in the ditch to die? Does he have to screw your best friend while forcing you to watch? Does he have to make you ride in a cage strapped to the top of his car? Does he have to drug you and lock you in his bathroom? What?

  6. What special sort of idiot does one have to be to not only close their eyes, but be assaulted twice and NOT call the police about it ?!? I'm pretty sure the OP did crack their head on the pavement. oh hahah and then went on the date?!? (just got a headache)

  7. I want to go on a date with Ellendra. She has so many good ideas I'm drooling both ends.

  8. The amount of victim-blaming on this site is truly wince-worthy. I get some of it is in satire, but some people really push it.

  9. Krista, it's not victim-blaming. Victim-blaming would be if everyone was saying that the OP deserved to be used as a beer gut punching bag because she provoked it somehow, but that's not it. People are just baffled that she chose to stay despite being physically assaulted.

  10. Yeah, Krista, get off your Chunky Horse!

  11. Just getting gut-punched would make the OP a victim. Even twice.

    Sticking around and continuing with the date, after being told outright that it will happen again, makes her a willing party to her own beating. THAT is what most people can't understand. Why vollunteer to be treated like that?


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