The True Meaning of Christmas

Happy holidays from A Bad Case of the Dates! We love you!

Story Sent in by Magda:

I didn't really want to go to church with my family on Christmas, but it was my first time back in my hometown for a while and it was a tradition. So we went and I tried to make the best of it.

While we were there, I spotted a guy around my age in the pews who looked similarly bored. He was also really cute. After the service, there was an informal luncheon downstairs. I slipped away from my family to seek out this guy.

I found him sitting on his own, messing with his phone. To be honest, I was scared to approach him, but he was the only other one there not forcing small talk with a mouth full of hot dog. I swallowed my fear and went up to him.

I introduced myself and made up some line about not having seen him at the church before. He seemed content to let me talk for a while, and he nodded and said "Uh-huh, uh-huh," at nearly everything I said.

It was ultimately too unsettling for me and realizing that I had probably made a mistake, I decided to head back to my family. However, he stood up and said, "We can have fun, you and I. Would you like to have fun?"

"What did you have in mind?"

He looked around and said, "It's Christmas. That means Jesus. That means virgin birth. That means that you and I have to reenact it."

"Reenact what?"

"There are dozens of rooms down here where we can do it. Take your pick. I'll be God and you be Mary."

As romantic as his suggestion was, I suddenly had a massive urge to go make small talk and eat a hot dog with anyone else. I backed away from God and melted back into the crowd.

After a little while away from him, I had started to feel a bit more secure when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and saw it was him. He said, "Jesus is waiting," then turned and walked away slowly. Maybe he hoped I'd follow him? I didn't. I was never happier to immerse myself back into my family for the remainder of the event.


  1. While I certainly would have been more than happy to spend time with my family (as they live a good way away) and not sought out a guy just because I was bored in Church, I'm glad you got away from that creep and I hope you learned to appreciate your relatives and traditions more.

  2. Merry Christmas, y'all. Thank you, dear Jared. Much love!

  3. I'll be God and you be Mary

    It is in fact a widely known fact among biblical scholar that Mary had a severe case of EVS (Empty Vagina Syndrome).

  4. Jesus' first healing was Mary's EVS when travelling from womb to world. Hallelujah!

  5. Jaci, careful you don't break your pearls. That's a mighty clutch you got there.

  6. Well what I think is that this boy wanted to have some sexing with the OP and this whole story about Jesus and such was just to get her to do the sexing with him and I think that he wanted them to do it in one of the empty rooms at that church.

    Man, some days I really miss the old Blue Blue.


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