A Room with a Goose

Story Sent in by Tommy:

I can't really blame Marina for how things ended up. If it was anyone's fault it was mine. But in my defense, her voice sounded almost exactly like the honking of a goose.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that her voice would sound perfect coming out of a cartoon fowl. When she opened her mouth, what burst forth was a braying and honking of biblical proportions. I feel bad saying it but that's what it was.

In person it was even worse than over the phone. She and I had spoken twice briefly by phone: the first time I thought that the voice she used was a joke. The second time, I also thought it was a joke. So when she spoke to me in person, I was still a bit unprepared.

Aside from her quacky voice, she was pretty cute. I couldn't make it over her voice, though. When she ordered her dinner, it sounded like a duck ordering a wrap. When she asked for more pop, she sounded like she was going to honk and ask for bread crusts at any moment. I knew that I shouldn't have felt embarrassed, but I really couldn't help myself.

She gave me a hug goodbye afterward and wrote me a nice email. She was sweet. And kind. And nice. But her voice sounded too much like Sesame Street's Bert for me to imagine doing anything intimate with her.

That night, I had a dream that a dozen geese flew into my room and honked at me in her voice. One of them even wore a little pair of glasses exactly like Marina's own.

When I didn't write her back (what was I supposed to say?) she called me and we spoke for a while over the phone. I felt bad telling her that I didn't think we were a match, but she took it well.

Then, she actually said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but you kind of sound like a goose. Has anyone ever told you that?"

She laughed a little. I smiled and turned it right back around, saying, "I was thinking the same thing about you."

I waited to hear a goosey response from her, but she replied by hanging up on me.


  1. (Insert obligatory joke about goosing her)

  2. But why would she hang up on you when she just told you the same thing? Wolf maybe something about his goose being cooked. Or something about duck duck goose. Or something about the goose and the ganter. I am waiting for a train. It is seventy minutes delayed.

  3. IM pretty sure she was checking to see if thats why you didnt want to go out with her, she had probably been hearing that comment for a very long time.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.