Arguably a Fate Worse Than Death

Story Sent in by Jonathan:

I was in a college common on a first date with Kathleen. Up until that point, we had gone out for drinks and taken a walk. It seemed to me that we had had a nice, fun time. Nothing indicated otherwise until she pulled out a notepad and said, "Write something on here. Anything. And I'll add to it."

I thought it was some sort of game, so I wrote the first thing that came to mind, which was something like, "I'm having a nice time with you. It would be even more fun if we had plastic lawn flamingoes." You know, as a joke.

She took her notepad back and read it over and over for a couple of minutes. I was on the verge of asking her what the confusing part was when she wrote something down on it and handed it to me.

Under what I had written, she had scrawled, "Going to go kill myself. Ciao." She then grabbed the notebook and took off.

"Kathleen!" I called after her and even jumped up and jogged in pursuit... until I realized how that must've looked to anyone watching and so I stopped.

I called her and texted her afterward, but I never heard from her again. Thanks to the Internet though, I looked her up recently and discovered that while she didn't end up killing herself, she has moved to South Carolina.


  1. That's the same thing as killing yourself.

  2. ^ Just remembered JMG already did that joke with the title. OK, let's try this again:

    It's always more fun with plastic lawn flamingos!

  3. Kenny Powers seemed to enjoy his time in SC just fine...

  4. I would love to hear the rebuttal on this one. "My date with Jonathan was SOOOOO bad, it made me question all the life choices that had led me to this point. When I tried to make the date a little less boring with a fun game, and he wrote some total inanity about lawn flamingos, I realized that this was it. I was done. It was time to make some serious changes. I took off at a run, and burned my house to the ground that same night. The Kathleen who would go on crappy dates like this was dead now. In the cleansing glow of the flames, I was reborn."

    "Also, I didn't want to risk accidentally running into him again, so I moved to South Carolina."


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