Cthulhu Strikes Out

Story Sent in by Jeff:

Online, Jessica seemed as sweet as sweet could be. For the record, also, my profile had current photos of myself. She said she'd take a commuter train over to my neighborhood for our first date, as there was a restaurant I had mentioned that she wanted to try.

I waited for her at the station. When I saw her, I approached, but before I could even say hi, she said to me, "Your face looks like a squid."

I instinctively felt for tentacles. Not finding any, I said, "I'm... sorry. Hi, I'm Jeff."

She backed away and said, "No. No. Not tonight," then walked away from me and made for the opposite platform, the one with the train that would take her back from where she had come.

I stood there for maybe a few minutes, trying to work out why she had paid for a ticket, taken the train, and disembarked to insult me only to immediately return home. I settled on, "She's insane," as an explanation.


  1. Too much tentacle porn will do that to you, OP...

  2. I think the problem is not that hes watched too much tentacle porn, it's that she's watched too little. Really, it's only considerate to try to be on the same level as your prospective partner.

  3. Dr.Ankh, you're the new Phil of ABCD. :)

  4. I encounter this problem regularly being a magnificent Griffin. People think my profile pic is a playful avatar and can be rather shocked to find I really am a cock/pussy/lawyer combo. Others are, understandably, totally delighted. Old squid faced Jeff simply need to find a smarter woman who can see the wonderfully pleasurable benefits of sitting on his face.

  5. "Hi, I'm Jeff, Jeff Zoidberg. I'm a doctor."

  6. Guess she didn't know that His exes get eaten first when R'lyeh rises.


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