Chef Boyardee's Rocky Start

Story Sent in by Catherine:

Paul repeatedly told me that he wanted to wow me with his cooking prowess, and so after a couple of dates out, I invited him to my place to cook me dinner. I offered to make something or to help, but he insisted on doing everything himself.

Not too long after he began in the kitchen, he looked over the supplies he had brought and looked more and more distraught. I asked him what was wrong, and he said that he had forgotten thyme. I had a little left, but he said that it wouldn't be enough. He then asked me if I'd mind running out to grab some while he began on the food. I trusted him well enough, and so I ran out to the grocery store.

When I returned home with the thyme, he wasn't in the kitchen, although he had left a pot of water boiling. I looked for him in the bathroom, called for him, and he didn't answer. I finally checked the bedroom.

He was on my bed, splayed face-up, wearing a pair of my underwear and nothing else.

I yelled, "Get out! Get out! Right now!"

He said, "But I'm here. Let's go."

"Get out! I'm calling the cops," I said, and ran away from the bedroom, to the phone.

I hesitated a moment, hoping he would dress himself and leave before I had to actually call. Sure enough, mere moments later, he ran out from my bedroom, covered just in a towel, and left my house, slamming the door behind himself. All of his food, kitchen supplies, clothes, and dignity were left behind, and he never came back to recover them.


  1. My legal spidey senses tell me ol' Paul set this up. It's the old "send her out for thyme and spring the cross dressing fetish on her" routine. Seen it a million times in my line of work. I do admit, I love the "But I'm here, let's go" bit as if the reason a woman wouldn't want to bang Paul whilst he is wearing her panties is based solely on whether he is there or not. I also love that he was so frazzled that stealing the OP's towel (and underwear?) seemed like a more logical choice instead of spending five seconds grabbing his own clothes.

    This story just makes me so happy that I found my super perfect boyfriend Art. He is an architect (a REAL one, unlike the fake one who posts here who conveniently never references what they designed or their degree) and marine biologist who loves me so much and never wears my panties. He may go off and bang transsexual hookers because he can't stand my shrill and conceited ass but he knows not to touch my legal briefs. PERFECT RELATIONSHIP YAY!!!11

  2. Best. Date. EVAH!

    @ Devil - We design buildings for smug lady lawyers like yourself and their boyfriends.... Sorry, sorry, just can't get past the "legal briefs" line. I give up, you win!

  3. Ugh... how many of these stories involve someone attempting to cook, or under the pretense of cooking? I stay away from that ish... my dates involve coffee, mini golf, alcohol, secks... Usually in that order.

    And when I'm finished, I always drop Architect's cat back home.

  4. Ahhh the cross dressing "Naked Man". They didn't cover that one in HIMYM

  5. @ TryN2Fly - LOL! You guys are killing the comments today!

  6. Oh Architect, I heart you. If I weren't so happy with Art in our perfect relationship which I know all you blue collar bums envy, I would come to your house, send you out to buy some thyme, slip on some of your panties and then lie in wait on your bed. Come on, I'm already here! Let's go!

    Same goes for Steve and TryN2Fly. I'd so wear both of ya'll's panties so hard!

  7. @ Devil - But would you wear the thong backwards like I do? That's how I get those nice bulldog cheeks :-)

  8. Even if it wasn't a set up, refusing help from your date loses out on quality time (thyme?) spent together.

  9. @ Architect - it also gives you those fetching Droopy Dog jowls/ballz.

    This happened to me once, but as the guy tried to scramble from under the collapsing weight of my panties he ended up like one of those pressed cats you see on Hoarders.

    Sorry for the imagery, TryN2Fly - you're so Griffen-dorable!

  10. Mother of God! Well that's what I felt like when I shot my baby Jesus butt plug across the room on seeing Fizziks panties.

  11. hahahahahahaha that too funny, I am not seeing his cooking prowness he claims to have.

  12. Blue Blue, you always leave most people speeechless.


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