They're Cubes!

Story Sent in by Grant:

Shelly and I went out to dinner. I paid. She talked about herself non-stop and didn't thank me. I figured that that one date would be our only date.

When we left the restaurant, it was cold and dark out. She said, "It's cold and dark out," as we walked together down the sidewalk.

I said, "It is."

The the next thing I knew, her arms were wrapped around me and she said, "We're going to be together forever!"

I replied, "That's nice. Let go of me, please."

She dropped her hands and looked at me like I had just dealt her a mortal insult. She said, "You're not the only guy I'm dating."

"Okay." Why shouldn't she play the field? I was.

She went on, "He's a drummer and he plants trees and he has a mustache!"

"That's really, really great."

"It's the cutest little mustache you've ever seen! He and I, we, we're going to be together forever!"

"That's really, really great."

"Him and me! Not me and you!"

"Stupendous. Look, I'm going to go. Have a good night."

I hurried ahead of her. She called after me, "I'm calling him right now! He has balls! Where are yours?"

I didn't reply, but I did walk away faster. The last words I heard her say were, "They're acceptable to me! They're acceptable!"

I'd shudder to think what unacceptable ones would've been like. I drove home, I think, better off.


  1. They're real - and they're acceptable!

    1. By the way, the're real, and they're spectacular!

  2. Sounds to me like she's an immature self-centered person. I guess you were wonderful since you put up with her talking about herself and paid for the date. And once you made it known that you weren't that interested, she reacted like the immature fool she was.

    While a bad date-consider yourself lucky-at least she was just selfish and juvenile rather than psychotic or criminal.

  3. You can't compete with a mustached drummer who plants trees and has acceptable balls. Good on you for getting out without a fierce battle to the death in which you would have surely lost.

  4. This is one of the worst stories I've ever read. The dialogue is horrendous and there is no character development what so ever. I think you could have developed the "Balls" motif a little more, as well as given us a little more of the back story on this mustachioed drummer. We here at ABCotD demand better writing!


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