Take Your Fast Car and Keep on Driving

(Character introductions are crucial. Click here and find out why on Jared's Inkwell. -JMG)

Story Sent in by Veronica:

Joe and I met online, then in person. When I first encountered him, just inside of a restaurant, he grabbed my shirt and pulled me toward him, as if he meant to kiss me.

I leaned away and took his hand off my shirt. He went for it again, and this time I pushed him away, not too hard, but pretty firmly. He smiled and whispered, "Meet me at my car in 10 minutes," then backed away and left.

I waited inside for close to an hour before I left. Once I did, it struck me that he hadn't told me what his car even looked like, on a street full of parked cars. Even if I had wanted to take him up on his "offer," I likely couldn't have.

But that's where I was wrong. As I hurried down the sidewalk, a car parked across the street turned on, made a u-turn, and followed me, honking and flashing its brights.

The window rolled down, and I heard, "Hey! Ronnie! It's me! Joe!"

I kept walking. He called again, "Joe! From before!" He honked and honked. I turned down an alleyway and I heard him shout, "Where are you going? I'm this way!"

I went down a few side streets and cut across several parking lots until I was sure that I had lost him. What a creeper.


  1. If you just waited for him in the restaurant then...why??

    If you actually had lunch/dinner by yourself... Then why not? You were there might as well get something out of it

    1. I think she waiting in the restaurant in the hopes that he would be gone by the time she left. Obviously didn't work.

  2. So, I'm sick and a little out of it. When I read the first sentence, I read: Joe and I met, then in prison.

  3. Why would she have to wait 10 minutes to go to his car? Did he need time to light some scented candles and spinkle rose petals over the back seat or something? And I can't believe she waited around for an hour after that... ugh!

    On one hand, I admire Joe's frugality, for trying to hit that without paying for dinner. On the other hand, young couples copulating in motor vehicles are just absolute MAGNETS for Chunky Horse!

  4. @Steve, Maybe he's the guy in one of the past stories, where he was planning to wait in the car naked with a rose on his crotch so he needed time to prepare?

    Also, my guess is that she waited around for an hour to make sure he was gone, in a futile attempt to make sure he wouldn't do what he did. Or worse, follow her to her car and/or house.

  5. I love that he identified himself as "Joe! From before!", as if the OP is a moron and didn't recognize the douche bag who propositioned her for car sex an hour before.

  6. ...I turned down an alleyway, and, luckily, on the other side I found a number of abandoned tenements and crack houses so I knew Joe would be scared of following me.

  7. When she said she waited an hour I assumed she meant that she waited in the hopes he would leave not waited for him to come back, could be wrong though...

    "I went down a few side streets and cut across several parking lots when suddenly I heard a chainsaw and Chunky Horse appeared, I could hear Joe behind me so I sprinted away from him towards the lesser of two evils."

  8. I don't think Joe ever said anything about wanting to have sex with her. He might have had some good ice cream or cookies in his car and wanted to share! You guys should get your minds out of the gutter for once.

    Just kidding! He was totally going to do her.

  9. I think the real question is - WHERE and HOW did they meet online?!

    They clearly had opposing plans for this date, right from square 1!


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