Two Rings to Fool Them All

Story Sent in by Celia:

Rob messaged me online, and one of his photos was a topless shot of himself. He had pierced nipples. I wasn't a big fan of topless photos in profiles, but everything else about him seemed to be fine, so after a few brief messages, we met up for coffee.

I arrived first, ordered a drink, and sat down. He showed up without a shirt on, which I did not expect. He attracted stares as he waltzed right over to me, gave me an awkward hug in which I was pressed to his chest, then he sat down across from me and took out a flask.

"Hey, how's it going?" he asked, then took a drink from his flask.

"Fine. You're... half-dressed."

He looked down, as if he had just remembered that he wasn't wearing a shirt. "Oh yeah," he said with a grin, "It's summer, and all."

Yeah, it was summer, but it was still a date. He asked, "Does it bother you?"

I glanced at his nipple rings and the oddly-placed, curly patches of hair, running up and down his chest.

"Kind of. Yeah," I replied.

He wrinkled his whole face at me and said, "Well, sorry, Miss. prim and proper. I didn't think that what I wore would be such a big deal. You're real superficial."

"And you're real disrespectful to show up to a date without a shirt on."

He laughed, went to take another drink from his flask, but then put it down and said, "Could be worse. I could be some asshole. I could've showed up without pants. Not illegal. Not like they're going to arrest me."

I wanted the date to be over, so I stood up with my drink and said, "Good luck with that. Have a good night."

As I sped past him and towards the door, he asked me, "Is it the nipple rings? Because they're not just for show."

I was gone before he could illuminate me on what else they were for.


  1. Nipple rings help heighten pleasure and sensitivity in some people. In others, it does the opposite.

  2. I use them to store my housekey.

  3. If you tug up on the left while tugging down on the right, it opens the portal to the mystical land of Narnia.

    Don't tug down on the left and up on the right. DON'T.

  4. Did this take place in the United States? Because if so, that turd can definitely be arrested for being in public with no pants. I wish the OP would've double-dog dared him...

  5. Probably to moor himself down to whoever he can convince to come to his bedroom

  6. ^Don't you mean "whatever"?


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