Splitting Up

(An action is worth a thousand words. On Jared's Inkwell. - JMG)

Story Sent in by Dwayne:

I found Rita's profile and messaged her. She was a ballet instructor who, unusually (as far as my experience goes), had two bachelor's degrees. We fell into deep, long conversations almost at once, first by email, then IM, then phone. I was amazed at how comfortable I felt with her, and how quickly the conversations went to full-on carnal mode. We hadn't even met each other yet, but we already, apparently, turned each other on.

We met at a restaurant for dinner, and to my confusion, her personality came across as reserved to the extreme. She hardly looked at me, didn't eat a bite of dinner, and barely spoke.

I offered to pay, all the same, and she thanked me, but it was all over much, much faster than I thought it would be. She hardly said a word!

After the "date," I wrote her (I thought calling would be too confrontational) to ask her if everything was okay.

She replied back as her usual bubbly self, as if nothing at all was wrong. The first line of her email read something like, "Oh, yeah. Everything's good," and then she went right into telling me some funny story or about some forthcoming concert she wanted to catch. Nothing more specific about her 180º personality shift.


I'm sure I asked her one more time if everything was all right, as she really, really came off as extremely shy, to the point of appearing uncomfortable with the entire situation. You have to understand that by electronic means, she was one person, and in-person, she was someone totally different.

We wound up on a second date, this time to mini-golf and then to a club where there was a band performing that we both liked.

Once again, in-person, Rita was as quiet as quiet could be. She played mini-golf as if she was at a funeral. Before the concert, I detoured us to a Starbucks to grab a light snack, but mostly I meant it to tackle this issue head-on.

As we sat down, not far from the music venue, I asked her, "Rita, what's wrong? You're a very quiet person, in-person. Online, you're extremely talkative. Is there something that's upsetting you?"

She sighed, as if she had expected and dreaded this conversation. She said, "I think I'm the same online as I am offline. I'm sorry."

I said, "You and I have five-hour-long conversations online. Your emails to me are a dozen paragraphs. If you've said two sentences to me tonight, then that's a lot. Are you shy?"

"No," she said, "I'm the same person, both ways. I don't know what else to tell you."

She was definitely not the same person, and I didn't really like her offline self. Still, there seemed to be nothing that I could do about it, so I gave up on trying, and after we ate, we went to the club.

At the club, she was the only person not dancing, smiling, or having any sort of good time. After the first two songs, she asked me, "Can we go?" and so we left and parted ways.

I didn't bother to email her, but a couple of days after the date, a message arrived from her, as hale and chipper as an eight-year-old. It contained her usual, puppy-like enthusiasm and curiosity. It was full of what I had really liked about her in the first place. But within it was no mention of her behavior on the date.

I wrote back a short message, saying that I simply felt that there was too great a difference between the parts of herself that she showed me, and that we'd likely be happier with other people. Never heard from her again.


  1. Having two selves would explain two bachelor's degrees...

  2. Um, hello... she's a hot ballerina with two bachelor degrees. You expect her to have a personality (offline) too?! Picky picky! YOU'RE the man... YOU do all the talking while in public!

    No, I don't really feel this way... but sadly, have met some girls who did...

    1. Steve, she has a personality offline, they talked on the phone, according to him they had great conversations on the phone.

  3. She could have a online dating manager/personal assistant. Who knows.

    I was going to say "she thinks you smell" but honestly that wouldn't lead to a second date.

  4. It's not too unbelievable and far-fetched to consider that there are people who really are in deep denial about themselves out there. Deep, deep denial.

  5. I think benanov's on the right track. She probably has someone else, a roommate, friend, or relative writing her messages for her or at least editing them. Anyway, bullet dodged, no point dating someone who clearly isn't enjoying the experience.

    1. She might have online, but explain why she could have good conversations on the phone. Because he says in his story.

  6. I think its possible she could have some sort of anxiety or social phobia about meeting someone offline. Or its extremely possible she was just nervous. Instead of "confronting this head on" and demanding to know if she was shy (which I'm sure helps with the anxiety), I might have just mentioned it in an email. The veil of the internet communication might allow her to be more liberated in her communication.

    By her reaction I doubt this is the first time its come up. Eitehr way dating someone who acts like they don't want to be there isn't any fun and its obvious y'all had a different outlook on things. Kudos for just cutting your losses and moving on.

    1. He did ask her about it via email. Twice.

    2. Asking someone I'd they are okay is different than just being upfront and asking snout the behavior are two different things.

  7. Is it not also possible that she's an introvert?!


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