He Used the Newspaper

Story Sent in by Michelle:

Roy and I had planned to meet for a first date: drinks and dinner on a Saturday night. We had spoken online for about three weeks before, and I was looking forward to meeting him.

Imagine my surprise when, on the morning of our date, in my pajamas and robe, I opened my front door to grab the newspaper, and he was already standing there, on my porch, reading my paper!

I nearly jumped out of my skin, but I recognized him from his profile photos and said, "Roy?"

He looked up at me and said, "Hey, Michelle. I know I'm a bit early but I figured we could hang out all day. Maybe have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. What do you say to that?"

I said the truth: "Uh, I have plans today before our date. That's not going to... uh... work."

He shrugged and replied, "That's fine. I can come with you. Maybe I can help you run those errands."

"They're not all errands. I'm catching up with friends."

"Great. I can meet them. Here, I brought you your paper."

He gathered up the pages and thrust them at me in a clump. Maybe he was trying to be cute, but it wasn't working. I didn't want to open my screen door, so I said, "Just leave it. I'll pick it up, later."

He said, "I've already been out here for a while. I can keep waiting here, while you're out. I have nothing else to do today."

"No, Roy. Please, just let me meet you for dinner later on."

He replied, "Okay, well I'll probably just walk around the block or something, but you have my number if you want to hang out any earlier. Okay?"

He left, and swiped my paper from the porch and closed and locked the door. I waited a good, long while before venturing outside, and when I did, I couldn't help but notice the strong aroma of urine on my porch. I didn't own a dog, so I had no idea how the smell could've been so strong there, unless something – or someone – used my porch or the area around it as a toilet.

I called Roy later that day to cancel the date. The entire set of circumstances were just too creepy. Thankfully, he never showed up again, and I'm still not sure how he found my house, to begin with.


  1. Any guy who shows up on your porch when you never gave him your address should be reported to the police.

    1. ...for what? That's not a crime. It's creepy and shows that their understanding of boundaries leaves a lot to be desired, but it's not illegal. It's stupid, rude and raises a red flag, sure -- but it's not illegal.

      In this instance, I'd say that whole "let's spend all of today together!" thing was the seriously creepy part. When people can't comprehend this kind of basic social boundaries, you can be pretty sure that it's not the only thing you're going to have trouble with. (Which is not to say that they're dangerous -- most likely they'll just be a huge pain in the ass.)

  2. OP, you just met more desperate than you.

  3. Could someone block "ohyeah" already. Their trolling posts on nearly EVERY SINGLE POST are more than tiresome.

    Here's a tip "ohyeah", if you think these people are "desperate" and so beneath you, ignore them and spare the rest of us your moronic posts.


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