'Scuse Me While I Don't Kiss This Guy

Story Sent in by Laura:

John and I met for our first date on a cold winter evening. We had dinner at a nice cafe, then took a brisk walk to a park, after which, we had planned to go to a comedy show.

While at the park, John asked, "Do you kiss on a first date?"

It was a silly thing to ask, but I told him the truth, "If the mood is right. It's not something I plan, or something that I think can be forced."

He replied, "Oh, I'd force you if I really wanted to, but I respect your boundaries."

And thus he jumped right into the not-kissing column. "Uh, thanks."

He went on, "Not all guys would respect your boundaries. Some would just go for it."

I nodded. Some certainly would. An instant later, John went for a kiss, but I dodged away. He tried again.

"Stand still," he said, the frustration evident in his voice, "I'm trying to kiss you."

I replied, "I just said that it can't be forced. If the mood's right, I said."

He groaned. "Can't you just make the mood right? You trying to tell me you're not in control of your emotions?"

I didn't know what to say to that, but I was more uncomfortable by the moment. Then, he said, "Tell you what: I'll stand here with my eyes closed and mouth open. You kiss me when you're ready, when the, 'mood's right,' or whatever. I'll wait."

I said, hoping to move on, "We should head to the comedy show."

He replied, "There will always be more comedy shows. A first kiss is special."

Right. Which was exactly what this one wouldn't be. He stood there like a moron, eyes closed, lips parted.

"I'm just going to go," I said. He didn't move. Maybe he didn't hear me or didn't take me seriously. Regardless, I wasn't going to repeat myself, and so I hurried away, positive that he'd be after me in moments.

He didn't follow me, and thus I made a narrow escape. It's a shame, because other than that, the date had gone well enough such that I possibly would have considered kissing him, if it all happened organically. Oh well.


  1. John's not afraid to follow through on failure.

  2. Yes, because the quickest way to make the ladies swoon is to inform them that you could FORCE them to do things they don't want to, if you REALLY wanted to. I might have kissed him, just to bite him.

  3. "Oh, I'd force you if I really wanted to, but I respect your boundaries."

    I guess the irony of her boundaries consisting of not being force-kissed was lost on him.

    PS. Force-Kiss sounds like some kind of Jedi move.

    1. It is pretty typical for someone who goes out of their way to announce something, to be doing so precisely because they are the opposite of what they're trying to appear. For example, people who are crass and blunt will often say, "don't take this the wrong way" before they say something offensive. When it comes down to it, some people are really very transparent if you know how to see beyond appearances and recognize the clues.

      I play a couple of Jedi characters in the Star Wars: the Old Republic video game. Force-kiss is what you do when you romance one of your companions of the opposite sex... lmao.


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