Radiation Alert

Story Sent in by Dan:

Kerry called me shortly before I was to meet her for our date. She said, "I accidentally dropped my wallet behind my radiator."

Guessing that she wouldn't have called me unless that presented some sort of insurmountable obstacle to the evening, I asked, "Can I help?"

"No!" she said, "Don't come over. I just can't drink or spend money tonight."

I asked, "Do you have a friend or roommate who can help you grab it? You do have to pull it out of there eventually, right?"

She said, "I don't want to be late."

I replied, "If you don't want me to come over to help–"


"–then I can wait for a little bit. How long do you think it'll take?"

A long pause, then she said, "I'll call my friend, Eric. He'll know what to do. I'll call you back." She hung up. I wasn't sure what Eric would recommend aside from somehow reaching behind the radiator and grabbing the wallet. Still, I hadn't met Kerry in person yet, and so I understood that she didn't want me at her house just yet. If a trusted friend could help us move the evening along, then so much the better.

Kerry never called me back, and so the date didn't end up happening that night. She called me a couple of days later, without so much as an apology. She said that Eric had saved her wallet, and she asked me out to lunch.

My initial inclination was to turn her down, but she was insistent, so I didn't see anything wrong with a quick bite.

At lunch, she said, "Yeah, so Eric came over, found my wallet behind the radiator, and then we opened a bottle of wine and slept together."

I didn't say anything, although it only made me look forward to the end of lunch ever the more. As if to drive the point home, Kerry gave a smile and said, "It was pretty amazing."

I didn't say much for the rest of the short lunch date, and she picked up on it as we split the check. She asked, "Are you upset that I slept with my friend?"

I replied, "No. I just don't think much of women who are too helpless to find their own wallets behind radiators." That shut her up. Unsurprisingly, it was also the only time we met in person.


  1. How does one accidentally drop a wallet behind a radiator in the first place? Seems like that would require more effort than its retrieval.

  2. She invited him to lunch.

    She praised the sex she didn't have with him that he was weirdly implicated in.

    He paid for half, yet

    He quickly recovered and kept most of his dignity.

  3. I think Dan was talking about the type of radiator used inside for heating, which is pretty easy to drop things behind. And also very easy to retrieve from - so either Kerry was making a lame excuse or was *incredibly* stupid.

  4. I think you dodged a very stupid bullet.

  5. Wow. Maybe she shouldn't keep her wallet on the window sill above the radiator (?). Every radiator I've ever had was far enough from the wall for a wallet to fall to the floor underneath where it's easy to grab. If it did get stuck behind from her fat wads of cash, she didn't have a set of tongs in her kitchen? Oh, man, I hate women who play the helpless card. She probably has guys hang pictures for her, too, and whines when they don't drop everything immediately to do so.

  6. Sounds like she wanted to make sure you were going to pay for everything. The answer she was waiting for was "You don't need your wallet."

    1. That was my first thought too. It just screamed "I want free dinner!" to me.

    2. That was my thought too. She was mad because Dan wasn't playing along and so she punished him with 'Eric'

    3. Yeah, this one was fishing for a free meal.

  7. The radiator thing doesn't make sense. I can't think of a scenario where it would take longer to retrieve something from behind one than it would take to call someone and tell them of such actions.

    I'm with the other posters, she wanted a free meal, and when she didn't get that she used Eric (if he even exists) to get the last word in.

    Solutions to both scenarios:
    Set a date, go out and get something to eat before hand so you're not hungry. Meet up with the gal, and say "let's go for a walk in the park" or something else that costs you nothing. If she says "I thought we were going to dinner/drinks", say "I know you don't have any money, and I didn't want to be rude by eating/drinking in front of you." Based on her reaction, you can differentiate between "I only wanted to go out with you so I could get a free ride" and "I do want to see you but I just don't have much spare cash to spend and I'm too embarrassed to admit it". I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, and always hope for the latter.

    At the lunch, after she says Eric came over and she slept with him, don't react to or even address the second part - what business is it of yours who she sleeps with? Just go straight in to "How did he get your wallet out?" "Couldn't you have figured that out?" "Oh well, at least you know what to do next time, right?" "Thanks for lunch!"

    Of course, it's always easier to talk about what you WOULD have done, AFTER it happened.


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