Lion Around

Story Sent in by Karri:

Ed and I were at dinner when he asked me what my favorite animal was. I told him that I liked sparrows.

He said, "That's stupid. My favorite animal can eat a sparrow. A thousand sparrows."

He then posed his hands as if they were claws and roared at me, possibly as loud as he could. Eyes turned to us, and for several moments, I wished that I was a sparrow, myself, so that I could fly far away.

He asked, "Can you guess what I am?"

"A tiger?"

He shook his head and roared again, same volume. "Guess again!"

"I can guess without you roaring at me."

"Evidently not, since you just guessed wrong. Guess again, guess again."

I said, "A lion," hoping that it would stop his roars.

He nodded like an excited six-year-old and roared again, but a bit quieter. "And you will be my lioness mate!"

I replied, trying to keep it jovial and civil, "Ah, but I'm a sparrow."

He said, "Fuck sparrows. Lions eat sparrows and absorb their nutrients. You will become part of me. More intimate than sex. No offense."

"Uh, I'd prefer to remain uneaten and un-mated."

"If you had to be one, which would you be?"

"Depends on who the prospective mate was.

He grinned. "Then after dinner, we'll see to your mating."

The rest of dinner went quickly, but he made a good amount of conversation about the leonine mating process. How lions mate, how often they mate, how they choose their partners, and so on.

Just after leaving, on the street, he turned to me and said, "Where would you like to do this?"

I said, "I'm heading home. Sorry," and hightailed it out of there. Never heard from him again, but I see that he still checks out my dating profile from time to time.


  1. I'm guessing he's the kind of furry that makes the non-douchey furries want to cry.

  2. After saying she wished she was a sparrow so she could fly, I immediately thought of the scene in Forrest Gump with Jenny praying to become a bird.


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