Orange You Glad You Let That One Go?

Story Sent in by Henry:

Carol had an unusual profile. It was stream-of-consciousness, but funny, so I thought that she'd make for a quirky person to meet. She wrote back mere seconds after I fired off my email to her, and after a short session of rapid-fire emails, we agreed to meet for a first date within the forthcoming days.

We migrated to telephone, and the conversations went well, although she had a habit of breaking into non sequiturs every two minutes. We'd be talking about something on the news, and then she'd ask, "Why are unicorns always naked?" It made for an interesting, unpredictable conversation, I'll tell you that much.

When she showed up to our date, in front of a restaurant, she carried a sledgehammer with her. I greeted her, and without a word, she pulled an orange out from her pocket, placed it on the ground, and smashed it with the sledgehammer. She then sat cross-legged next to the pulpy mess and ate it.

Scooping some of it up with her fingers, she held it up to me.

"No thanks," I said.

She replied, "You should try some. Nothing like sledgehammered fruit. And next time, it might be your head."

She finished the orange all on her own, and it was right about then that I realized that I had somewhere else to be that wasn't there. I bid her a hasty goodnight and left.


  1. Was her last name Gallagher, by any chance?

  2. Doesn't sound like Gallagher's daughter. She seemed like a typical collage blonde when I met her.

  3. Typical case of 'Trying too hard'

  4. Oh snap! Look at now unique and quirky and interesting she is! WHAT ZANY THING WILL SHE DO NEXT?

    Sorry dude, but manic pixie dream girls don't work in real life. Try again with a real personality next time.

    1. Indeed - it's amazing how many times "bat shit crazy" is rationalize as "quirky, different, spontaneous".... kind of like those people with no filter, who blurt out the first thing that crosses their minds, and always tell you they "tell it like it is" and are "just brutally honest and say what everyone's thinking."

  5. It's Aspergers, and the line from quirky to insane is a fine one.

    1. It's not Asperger's. I wish people on the internet would forget that word.


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