One Man's Toilet

Story Sent in by Morrie:

This happened my freshman year of college. I was already seated at a table at a restaurant, waiting, when Veronica burst in, nearly collided with the host, and plopped down across from me at the table.

"Sorry I'm late," she said breathlessly. She truly appeared as if she had just run 10 miles. "You'll never believe what I saw on the way over here."

"A criminally obese naked guy? That would explain why you ran here."

She said, "Better. I saw a homeless guy shit right into a trash can!"

I replied, "And that's better... how?"

She tugged at my sleeve. "You want to take a look?"

I was incredulous. "At homeless-man shit?"

"Yeah! I mean, we wouldn't have to get too close—"

"Aside from sex with a criminally obese naked man, I can think of nothing I'd like less. Maybe at least we could have dinner, first."

She sat back in her seat and said, "Okay, Mr. No-Sense-Of-Adventure. Have it your way."

She was sullen and silent through the rest of dinner. Afterward, when we walked out of the eatery together, she suddenly took on a second wind. She said, "Okay, are you ready now?"

"For what? To go see that trash can? How about I take your word for it?"

"Ugh, fine," she said, then extended her hand. "Nice meeting you."

That was my first and last blind date.


  1. I.... What? I don't understand this story. What does "criminally obese" mean?

    1. it means that what we have right here is a fat phobic OP.

  2. Wow. There's a conversation stopper and mood killer. What a weirdo!!

  3. That "criminally obese naked man" line isn't as funny as you think it is.

  4. Seriously, the man was 18, where IS his sense of adventure? I did all sorts of odd things my freshman year of college, maybe he would have gotten laid afterward? OP is probably one of those 30 year olds who is bald and looks 50, and is an accountant with a bad 70's stache

    1. Don't forget the combover.

    2. I know, right? Who wouldn't want to look at bum crap?

    3. "Adventure" - I do not think it means what you think it means.

  5. Hey, I'm a 50+ accountant with a combover and a bad 70's stache and I get laid tons!!
    I think it's the 'stache, or as they ladies call it...my "Hair Chair."

  6. If it makes you feel better one of my dates and i got the pleasure of witnessing a homeless man piss on the side of a building about 20 meters from a shopping mall washroom. We laughed it off though. Only in Hamilton Ontario!


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