The Ex-Files

Story Sent in by Kerry:

Joe and I were on a walk on an early spring day after our first date dinner. We had met online, chatted for hours over the phone, and dinner went well. I really wanted him to like me, because I liked him a good amount already.

We passed a metal file cabinet on a curb in front of a house. Evidently, someone was throwing it away.

He said, "What a weird place to keep your files." He then opened up each drawer and looked inside. "Just hunting for treasure, honey."

The drawers were empty, and he slammed the last drawer shut. "Damn," he said, "I was hoping that there'd be something in there that they forgot to take out. Something romantic that I could've given you."

Huh? What was he talking about? "Like what?" I asked.

He scowled at the cabinet. "I dunno. Flowers or something. I hate this stupid cabinet!" He kicked it. "Ow!" he yelled, "Argh! My foot!"

I went to him and took him by the shoulder. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Better than ever!" he said, then actually kicked the cabinet with his other foot. "Got it!" he yelled, and I moved away from him. He went on, "I kicked it in a way that it wouldn't hurt my foot again."

Ignoring his sudden idiocy onset, I asked, "Are you going to be okay?"

He replied, "I just totally want to punch this cabinet out. Is that cool? Will you be impressed if I totally lay the smackdown on this guy?"

I shook my head. "Let's just keep going, if you're okay to walk."

He was, although he made a big show of dragging his foot that had first kicked the cabinet. He turned back to it and said, "I've never liked file cabinets. You hear me?" He then turned to me and said, "When we get married, if I ever catch you with a file cabinet in our house, you're heading for a divorce. We clear?"

"We're not getting married, though," I informed him, "Let me walk you to your car."

He shut up for the rest of the walk. We reached his car and he drove away. Thank goodness.


  1. He sounds like a fun, imaginative guy, and the writer sounds boring and uptight.

  2. So the guy tried to make some goofy jokes (not very funny ones I'll grant you, but jokes), and you wrote him off? Did you not know that all guys are susceptible to Sudden Idiocy Onset Syndrome, especially when they're with a woman they're attracted to? If this is your idea of a bad date, I bet you get a lot of nights home alone.

  3. Random acts of violence sounds like a red flag to me, even if it is toward an inanimate object. If it was meant as a joke, it's not the sort of humor I'd be interested in dealing with.

  4. It's a first date and you start hitting something? Then you start talking about marriage? Yeesh. Awful.

    Even if the guy is just making really bad joke choices, it doesn't make the OP boring or uptight to be turned off.

  5. Boring and uptight are in the eye of the beholder, m'dear!

  6. Someone having a bad sense of humor is a perfectly reasonable reason to write them off. It's no favor to them to put up with it.

  7. Yeah, I'm on board to vote the OP as having the poor sense of humor here.


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