The Spice Must Flow

Story Sent in by John:

Sandy and I were out at a restaurant after just having met for the first time. It was a Chinese place, and there was no salt or pepper on the table. When our appetizers were delivered, Sandy requested pepper, which they brought to her in a standard-sized shaker.

She then broke open her egg roll, unscrewed the top of the pepper shaker, and poured a little more than half of the pepper in the shaker into a half of the egg roll. She then put the pepper down and stuffed the whole egg roll half into her mouth.

She smacked her lips and then drank down most of her water, then she repeated the process with the second half of her egg roll, pouring in the rest of the pepper in the shaker, then tearing into it.

I didn't say a word, but I watched in curiosity, awe, and then even more curiosity. She looked up at me and said, "Pepper makes everything taste better. Have you ever tried it?"

"Pepper? Yes."

"It's like the best kept secret in the world. It's always sitting right in front of you, but no one ever uses it. It's good on everything, and the more you have on something, the more flavorful it is."

I replied, "I'm sure there's more flavor, but is it a better flavor? You can seriously tolerate that much pepper at once?"

She said, "Wait 'til I get going! I put it on ice cream, on cakes, pies, you name it. It unlocks the other flavors within. People don't know that, but I do."

"You put pepper on ice cream?"

"Yeah, but if I'm not careful, it makes me sneeze. I can't let it near my nose."

When our meals came, she asked for more pepper. The waiter expressed amazement that she had polished off a full shaker of it, but returned with another shaker, as requested. She poured about half of it all over her shrimp and vegetables.

Sandy requested ice cream for dessert, and they brought it out to her. Sure enough, she liberally sprinkled pepper onto it, then ate it from start to finish. She said, "When I cook, you can imagine, I use a lot of pepper."

I could imagine, all right. About a minute or so later, she wobbled to her feet and said, "Excuse me, I have to find the bathroom."

She hurried away and was gone for a little while. When she came back, she was a few shades paler, but she wore a smile. "Tastes the same going down as it does coming up: delicious!" she said.

I thanked her for the information, we left the restaurant, said our goodnights, and that was that.


  1. Personally, I think that this chick was maybe trying hard to be funny and quirky on the first date, and came across as unhinged. That's what my brain wants to believe. However, my gut tells me that she was probably just crazypants.

  2. Jesus. I realize that this is a website devoted to the bad dates and the crazies of the world, so our experiences are a little one-sided, but I sincerely hope stuff like this is in the minority. That for each person who eats a table spoon of pepper with each bite, there are thousands who are mostly normal.

  3. Here question to you was clearly: Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?

    A real Binge & Purge Pepper Fiend- How unique but NOT refreshing!

  4. Once, when I was young, I spent a week camping in a small hippie town on the north pacific coast. We met many interesting people and one who sticks out is a man, who has no name, who lived in a RV. He had been kicked out by his parents, given the RV, and told to make something of himself. His life consisted of squatting in one campsite for a few days, then moving before the park operators caught on. In short, he was interesting.

    One day we asked him to come to town with us for dinner and drinks. We stopped at a quiet marine pub, where, pronouncing 'This will really get ya goin.' he decided to show us a trick his grandmother taught him. He ordered a beer, poured half a pepper shaker into the beer, then slammed the whole thing. He did this a few times, became very obnoxious and flirted very aggressively to the waitress, who had us kicked out. Dejected but not downtrodden, we went to the local club, within ten minutes he had punched the paper roll off the wall and then, feeling confident, bragged about it to a man having a cigarette outside.

    The man outside was the owner of the bar. RV man was kicked out. We had a good night after that and the next day he wouldn't get out of his RV. Another day later, he picked up and left.

    So, pepper will get you going, indeed.

  5. Sounds like bulimia. She knew she was going to purge and didn't think twice about it.


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