12/07/2011

Why DO They Come with a Ruler?

Profile Sent in by Will:

Who I'm looking for:

A regular swiss army knife of a person - 1. the knife itself. The brain that cuts and bleeds with emotional pain.

2. the saw. cutting to the chase no matter how messy. honesty and faith in each other.

3. the tweezers and toothpick. they could be our kids! especially given that they both pick at things. lol.

4. scissors. the real reason why you buy a swiss army knife in the first place. these are the brian to cut and the heart to pour out emotional honesty together.

5. the bottle opener. PARRTY! lololololololololololololololol!!!

6. the ruler. who uses that? That could be your shlong. KIDDING.

7. the corkscrew. ummm… i dunno… used to shoot marbles???

If you think you have what it takes to be my swiss army knife of a person then apply here!

4 comments:

  1. I give the seeker 5 points for creative vision and -5 points for drunken half-assed execution of creative vision.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, kids! Always picking at things.

    I've never seen someone muddle through the uses of a swiss army knife so badly. Also, whose key reason for buying a swiss army knife is the crappy scissors?

    ReplyDelete
  3. @nomatophobia: Answer: the same kind of person who uses a freakin' Swiss Army knife, that most sexy and erotic of objects, as a metaphor for a relationship. Creepy...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Actually, the scissors are the most used part of a swiss army knife.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.